DR. SACHIN BALIGA

My five-year-old daughter loves playing with her girlfriends but is shy about playing with boys. My daughter has no siblings and I wonder if that’s the reason. Sometimes I feel guilty about not having another child. How can I help her overcome her shyness?
— Maria Julius, Chennai
Shyness is common in children. You need to encourage her to be more outgoing. Start by encouraging her to play around boys, if not with them. Devise a more managable strategy by setting small goals for her and appreciating her when she achieves them. For example, saying ‘hello’ to one boy per day. It’s important that these efforts are appreciated. Moreover, share incidents from your own childhood to show her how you dealt with male-female interactions. Also try to find out if any boys in her peer group have been making fun of her or bullying her. If so, this could be a cause of her reluctance to play with them.

My son (8) wants to qualify as a scientist. I would like to encourage him to explore science subjects. Please advise.
— Karthika Varun, Bengaluru
You could introduce him to children’s books on science/astronomy, arrange visits to a science museum/ planetariums and download online apps which encourage children to explore the sciences. This will help him learn about the subject. That said, children’s career goals frequently change with time. So don’t be surprised if few months down the line, he decides he wants to become an artist!

My son loves playing with dolls with his sister. He is six and she is four years old. Sometimes, my grandparents shout at him and say, ‘You are not a girl, so don’t play with dolls!’ I don’t want him to be exposed to such sexist comments. I believe it’s ok for male children to play with dolls or kitchen sets. How do I gently tell my grandparents to avoid gender stereotyping?
— Shylaja Suresh, Hyderabad
You need to discuss this issue and tell them that a playtime activity is not connected with his gender. Besides, it is helping him bond with his sister. This bond might be adversely affected because of their comments. But be prepared that because of the generation gap, they will still take some time to appreciate your point of view. Be patient and continue to communicate your point of view politely. Most important, your continued support and appreciation to your son is important to reassure him and inculcate gender sensitivity.

(An alumnus of NIMHANS, Dr. Sachin Baliga is a well-known mental health professional and a psychiatric consultant at Fortis Hospital, Bengaluru)

Also read: Empower your introvert child