Ayushi Srivastava is a Noida-based psychologist

My daughter is not a high academic achiever. She will be writing her class X board exams next year. How can I help her overcome fear of failure?

— Raghavi Bagade, Mumbai

You need to acknowledge that academics is highly competitive today. Even if she is not showing overt signs, your daughter is feeling the pressure of performing well in the board exam. Constantly talking about exams won’t help, nor will avoiding the issue. You need to adopt a balanced middle path. Encourage her to open up and discuss her academic fears and anxieties. Help her prepare a plan of action, based on study needs, resources available, and problems that need to be solved.

Fear of failure increases when there are no study timetables and routines. Therefore, help her prepare a plan of action which, apart from school notes, includes additional study guides, internet tutorials/offline tuitions, mentoring from parents/friends, etc.

 

I have two children aged eight and 11 years. I work long hours and find it very difficult to spend quality time with them. Please suggest how I can change my lifestyle.

— Veenu Kumar, Chennai

In today’s fast-paced life, time management is a big challenge. My suggestion is to start small and keep it simple. Read to your children or go for a walk or play with them, even if it is for 20-30 minutes every day. Show your love by hugging them every day.

On weekends, take them out or play outdoor games with them. You could also exercise together. Show up for school events when it is important to them. Apologise when you can’t show up or if you can’t keep a promise. Listen when they are speaking to you without distraction. Be empathetic to children without pushing yourself to be the perfect parent.

 

Our children are so used to getting what they want that it’s difficult to teach them patience and delayed gratification. Do you have any suggestions?

— Martha Thomas, Kochi

Parents must learn to slow down and practise mindfulness in daily activities. When parents are calm and engage in restful activities such as meditation, children will also emulate them. Another strategy is to encourage children to play games and sports, which teaches them patience and endurance. To teach delayed gratification, encourage them to save money to buy toys. Moreover, reduce children’s digital screen time. Encourage them to read, paint and engage in outdoor play/physical exercise.

 

My ten-year-old daughter feels overshadowed by her elder sister who excels in academics and sports and is the school captain. How can I build her self-confidence?

— Kiyara Sharma, Bengaluru

Sometimes parents and other adults feel that by comparing a child to a high-achieving sibling, they are motivating the former to excel. But in reality, this generates anger and frustration. Therefore, avoid comparisons.

Instead, spend quality time with your younger daughter, understand her struggles and provide suggestions to improve. It’s important to identify her unique talents and provide opportunities for her to develop and excel in them. Encourage and support her to explore and discover her talents and skills. Your positive attitude and feedback will motivate her to flower into a confident woman.

Also Read: Karnataka: Missing student found, admits to running away over exam fear