– Reena Chopra

My five-year-old daughter gets upset when things don’t go as planned. Please suggest how I can help her cope with disappointment.

— Mini Sharma, Mumbai

You can help her cope with disappointment by following these simple strategies:

• Acknowledge her disappointment. If plans are canceled or postponed, you could say: “I know you were waiting to go to the park. I also feel bad we couldn’t go today.” This will reassure her that you are mindful of her disappointment.
• Offer alternatives. Suggest a backup activity such as board games, story time, or an impromptu dance session at home.
• Prepare children in advance. Instead of fixed promises, make conditional plans: “If the traffic is not heavy, we’ll go to the park. If not, let’s plan to play your favourite board game at home.”

Over time, children develop maturity and learn that while life may be unpredictable, disappointment can be managed by making alternative plans and choices.

We take my two-year-old son to the mall on weekends for grocery shopping. After a while, he starts shouting, pulling things off the shelves and refuses to sit in his stroller. At first, we thought he was throwing tantrums, but later we realised the loud music, bright lights, and crowd overstimulated him. Please advise.

— Gavisht Sharma, Bengaluru

Some toddlers are more sensitive than others. I suggest that you become more observant and follow these strategies:

• Avoid outings during sleep or meal times, when toddlers tend to be irritable.
• Instead of long-duration mall trips, break errands into shorter visits or shop online when possible.
• On mall trips, carry a familiar toy, small snack, or soothing playlist to provide comfort when he feels overwhelmed.
• It’s also a good idea to step outside the mall for five minutes of quiet before resuming shopping again.

Toddlers learn to calm down when parents respond with patience instead of labeling them as difficult.

Recently, my 11-year-old son saw his classmate’s instagram post about a foreign vacation and asked us, “Why don’t we go abroad like everyone else?” His self-worth is getting influenced by what he sees on instagram. How can we help him?

— Mrinalini Saxena, Delhi

Social media has a powerful influence on children, shaping their self-image, aspirations, and sense of self-worth. Here are some suggestions to cope:

• Instead of banning social media, discuss and agree on limited usage. Moreover, explain to him that online posts don’t always reflect reality.
• Encourage non-digital activities such as sports, art, and music. This will encourage him to discover his strengths and interests outside the online world.
• Role model balanced social media usage. Set an example by limiting your own digital screen time.
• Educate your child that qualities such as kindness, effort, and self-worth don’t require external validation. When children feel secure, the influence of social media comparisons weakens.

My 16-year old daughter spends her weekdays between school, coaching classes, and late-night study sessions. Recently, we noticed that she is experiencing frequent headaches, irritability, and sleep deprivation. We want her to do well in her board exams but without disrupting her health. Please advise.

— Kirthika Rao, Hyderabad

Encourage her to balance study with rest and recreation. Overdoing late nights or stressing about exams can be counterproductive. Here are some guidelines to strike a balance:

• Explain that relaxation is a necessity, not a reward. Encourage downtime through music, sports, meditation, outdoor walks.
• Help her prepare a daily schedule which strikes a balance between study hours and relaxation.
• Provide emotional reassurance and support. Take time for one-on-one conversations and listen without judgment about her apprehensions and anxieties.
• Role model self-care. Parents who respect their own work-life balance best demonstrate to children that ambition and mental well-being are not mutually exclusive. Academic success is possible only when children’s mental and physical health is protected.

Reena Chopra is a Bhubaneshwar-based child psychologist, parenting coach and founder of Saar Holistic Wellness