An important duty of parents is to balance the right of teenage children to privacy with responsibility to ensure their safety If there’s one issue which teenage children will fight tooth and nail, it’s their right to privacy — the freedom to spend their leisure time as they wish without nosy parents or siblings prying into their activities. Unfortunately, there are times when adolescents aren’t engaging in activities they should be or they are doing things they shouldn’t be doing. In the past, the privacy issue revolved around whether parents should search children’s rooms or read their diaries. But today, there is the much more complicated issue of how much time children should spend on the Internet, cyber-bullying and the age-appropriateness of the websites they access. Two common mistakes parents make while balancing children’s right to privacy and safety are: • Abandon them by letting go too early (for example, not checking your middle schooler’s social media posts) before they are ready to handle responsibility. • Second, let go too late (for example, insisting on reading all your teen’s texts), which disempowers children by denying them the freedom to use their judgement and discretion. Here are some suggestions to ensure adolescents are given the privacy they deserve. Know your children Observe your child’s behaviour and be honest in your assessment. If she has already demonstrated maturity, then you need not monitor her too closely. Children who have made good decisions in the past are less likely to engage in risky or dangerous online behaviour in the future. But this isn’t an absolute. Children are works-in-progress, so be alert for behaviour that signals that you need to exert greater supervision. On the other hand, if your children have a history of untrustworthiness, you should keep a closer eye on them. Turning a blind eye to their behaviour isn’t just irresponsible, it’s potentially dangerous. For instance, if they are staying out beyond curfew hours with a new group of friends, their plans are sketchy, and exam grades have dropped precipitously, you need to confront your teen directly about her behaviour and investigate illegal drug or alcohol usage. Moreover you may need to follow up by searching her room for signs of substance abuse paraphernalia. Yes, you are invading her privacy but the prime objective is to keep her safe. Letting go over time Few things get a teen riled up faster than the feeling that she’s not being respected as an adult. Involving teenagers in creating an action plan that specifies limits of privacy you’re willing to grant, is a great way to accord respect and indicate your trust. Explain to your teen that greater privacy is something she’ll have to earn and that greater responsibility will lead to more privileges and freedoms. For instance, when your teenager takes the trouble to introduce you to her friends and friends’ parents, you are more likely to allow her to spend more time at friends’ homes. Most teens are very responsive when you respect…
