Nivedha N

How can I help my ten-year-old son develop a growth mindset and encourage him to embrace challenges and setbacks in competitive academic settings?
— Vinita Raul, Mumbai
Accept your child as he is. This advice is not just about academics; it’s about every aspect of life. Children need your support to develop healthy growth mindsets and face challenges with confidence. Make the effort to understand his learning style — every child has a

dominant style of learning. He could be a visual, auditory, kinesthetic, solitary or social learner. Identifying and understanding his learning style will provide you a clear roadmap to prepare remedial strategies. Encourage effort — one of the best ways to build his confidence is

to appreciate his efforts. Motivate him to improve continuously even if results don’t match your expectations. He needs to know that effort matters more than results.

Avoid comparing him with others; instead offer constructive criticism. Bouncing back from failure with determination to improve continuously is growth mindset.

I want to teach my nine-year-old daughter critical personal safety guidelines to follow while using public transport or visiting markets. Please advise.
— Martha Paul, Chennai
Here are some basic personal safety guidelines:
• Teach her to recognise safe touch (hugs from parents) and unsafe touch (physical contact which makes her uncomfortable or involves touching genital areas). You can teach her good and bad touch through rhymes or role play (search online).
• Encourage open communication. There should be no secrets between you and her, especially if it involves strangers. Encourage her to share unusual experiences without fear of censure.
• Tell her that it’s alright to say “no” loudly, especially in public places, when she feels uncomfortable with someone’s behaviour. This will develop her social confidence.

• She should memorize details such as your phone number and home address, and alert sympathetic adults in public places to help her if she is in trouble.

I want my children to develop a sense of gratitude and mindfulness. Please share some suggestions to develop these important traits.
— Kianna Rao, Hyderabad

Here are my suggestions:

Practice gratitude. Make it a habit to ask your children “What are you happy about/thankful for today?”

Share your gratitude moments with your children too. You can also keep a gratitude jar or write a journal together about those moments.
Role model. Children’s observational learning begins at home. Express empathy, show gratitude and keep calm in tough situations. Appreciate your children’s acts of kindness.
Mindfulness exercises. Teach them simple breathing exercises to relax and de-stress. Encourage them to enjoy non-digital screen quiet time or take a walk in the park.

Active listening. Listen to your children with full attention and they will do the same.

Praise them. Reduce materialistic rewards; instead praise them verbally for good acts. Verbal appreciation builds parent-child bonding.
Encourage giving. Involve them in food, clothes and toys collection and donation drives for the under-privileged.

My ten-year-old is a sensitive child who asks many questions when she sees poverty and inequality. I want to educate her about the real world, but without overwhelming her. Please advise.
— Jeevan Hari, Chennai
In their middle years, children start to notice poverty and social inequality. You need to educate her in age-appropriate language about poverty and inequality. Encourage her to develop empathy for the underprivileged and ideate on ways she can contribute to improving their condition by exposing her to the work of social reformers through books or videos. You could also suggest she sign up for social service activities.

(Nivedha M. is a child psychologist at Tiny Palms Child and Adult Therapy Centre, Bangalore)