A growing body of research indicates that it’s parents’ online addiction that’s fuelling children’s digital dependence and adversely impacting the mental and emotional well-being of teens writes Kiran Balimane, Mini P. & Cynthia John

With media focus on rising children’s digital addiction, parents’ internet and digital addiction is the elephant in the room that few are noticing and discussing. Somewhat belatedly, there is growing awareness that the root problem may well be the reality that parents themselves are spending long hours online for work, entertainment and socialisation. A growing body of research indicates that it’s parents’ online addiction that’s fuelling children’s digital dependence and adversely impacting the mental and emotional well-being of teens in particular.

A recent (2021) Commonsense Media study found that parents who reported problematic or addictive use of technology — “checking phones often, feeling lost without them or turning to mobile phones when they are lonely” — also reported that their relationships with their children were being “interrupted”. Often, these interruptions prompted aggressive child behaviour and “crying spells”. Similarly, another study published in the journal Paediatrics (2019) highlights that children whose parents spend more than two hours per day viewing digital screens are more likely to experience behavioural problems, such as hyperactivity and lack of concentration.

A more recent study (2022) led by Dr. Raian Ali, professor, Hamad Bin Khalifa University, Qatar and visiting professor, Bournemouth University, UK, found that adolescents are more likely to be internet addictive if their parents are addicted to the worldwide web. “Parents’ behavioural correction is often part of the solution when it comes to their children’s technology addiction. We explored whether there was any correlation between the intensity of internet addiction of parents and their children. The results showed a direct connection: the more addicted the parents, the stronger were their children’s compulsions. Setting an example is a powerful form of parenting. The way parents use technology is no exception,” says Dr. Ali. (see box p.12)

Hyderabad-based parenting coach Monica Nagpal believes the impact of parental tech addiction on children is too important to ignore. “Parents’ digital especially social media addiction has ballooned to dangerous levels with disastrous consequences for children’s social and mental well-being. Many recent studies have highlighted that parents’ tech addiction is resulting in children experiencing anxiety, stress, and imitative behaviour. It’s a parental duty to use technology mindfully and set a good example for children,” says Nagpal, founder of Hope and Happiness and Mindfulness.

In the new digital age, with work, entertainment and socialisation highly dependent on technology, PW asked educators, parenting and health experts to share practical ways and means by which parents can reduce their digital addiction, to set a good example for children and improve quality of family life.

Set clear rules and boundaries
Eminent educator Dr. Skand Bali, principal of the top-ranked Hyderabad Public School, Begumpet, advises parents to establish clear rules and boundaries for technology usage. His suggestions:

Tech-free zones. Designate tech-free zones and time slots at home to encourage healthy in-person interaction with children. Children need parents’ undivided attention and their approval and appreciation of academics, sports and co-curricular achievements in school.

Practice mindful technology use. Children mimic parental behaviour, so lead by example in practicing mindful and balanced use of digital devices and internet. Educate them about using technology responsibly and in moderation, as well as provide information on online safety.

Explain to children that you need technology for work. Parents need to explain to children that technology usage is essential for their jobs, and that it enables them to provide for household needs and wants. Parents must involve children in understanding their work by sharing age-appropriate insights about their profession, tasks and responsibilities, so they can connect their tech usage to family welfare.

Encourage non-tech family activities. Parents need to make special effort to encourage non-tech activities that promote family bonding, such as outdoor picnics and sports, board games, and creative projects.

Ways to beat social media addiction
According to the Digital 2023 Global Overview Report, 38 percent of parents’ internet time is spent on social media (facebook, twitter, instagram, etc), a year-on-year increase of 7.2 percent.

Under the broad head of digital addiction, social media addiction is gaining a lot of traction because of its highly addictive propensity. “Social media is designed to hook our brains. Social media platforms drive surges of dopamine to the brain to keep consumers coming back over and over again. The shares, likes and comments on these platforms trigger the brain’s reward centre, resulting in a high similar to the one people feel when gambling or using drugs,” warns Nancy DeAngelis, CRNP, Director of Behavioral Health, Jefferson Health — Abington (USA).

Monica Nagpal, parenting coach, shares useful advice for parents to decrease their social media dependence.
Remove/reduce social media apps. Remove/reduce social media apps from your mobile phone, choosing the absolute must-haves needed for communication with family and friends.

Designate fixed-time slots for social media usage. Select three-four time slots during the day for social media use. Stick to the schedule, refraining from using social media beyond these time slots.

Switch off notifications of social media apps. If people need to connect with you urgently, they will call you.

Notifications of social media apps are distracting. I suggest turning off email notifications too. Put a note in your personal email box saying that you will respond by the end of the day and if there is something urgent, they should call you.

Sign off for a weekend. Take a break from social media at least one weekend per month. Instead, choose to engage in enjoyable outdoor activities or engagements with friends and family.

Role model balanced social media use. Leading by example is one of the best ways for parents to teach children about balanced social media usage. If parents use social media optimally, that is a good message that children will observe and emulate.

Seek help. If you feel like you can’t control your social media use and it’s having a negative impact on your life, seek professional help. Consult with a therapist or join a support group to address tech addiction.

Guide to change digitally addictive lifestyle
Dr. Keerthi Karanam, psychiatric consultant, CARE Hospitals, Hyderabad, recommends guidelines for parents to switch from a digitally addictive lifestyle to one that is healthy and balanced, with adequate quality time for children.

Identify your triggers. Identify the impulses that make you want to pick up your phone or laptop. Once you identify the triggers, you can start to avoid them or develop strategies to resist them.

Set limits for yourself. Self-control is vital to reducing digital screen time usage. Decide how much time every family member should spend online daily and ensure everybody sticks to set limits. Use a timer or app to track your own screen time and alert excessive use.

Take breaks. If your screen usage exceeds 20-30 minutes, take a break to avoid eye strain and fatigue.

Engage in alternative activities. We often turn to digital devices because they offer instant entertainment and gratification. Engage in alternative enjoyable activities such as sports, reading, art, and volunteer work.

Discuss the dangers of digital screens addiction. Explain to children that spending too much time online adversely affects their health, sleep, and personal relationships.

Set aside time every day to work without your computer/phone distractions. This will help you improve efficiency and productivity while limiting screen time.

Show your children how to use technology responsibly. Teach them about the importance of online safety and privacy.

Create a family media plan. This is a written document that outlines your family’s rules for screen time and social media use. Post the family media plan in a central location in the house where everyone can see it. This will remind everyone of the rules and make it easier to enforce them.

Be consistent about enforcing rules. Don’t make exceptions for yourself or your children.

Lead by example. Children and teenagers model their behaviour after the caregiving adults in their lives. If they see you constantly glued to digital devices, it will be challenging for you to persuade them to limit their own screen time. Practice what you preach by setting a good example of balanced devices usage. This will benefit the entire family.

5 ways to mitigate parental internet addiction

Teenagers are often accused of being addicted to their digital devices, but new research shows they’re often just modelling parental behaviour. Of course, we all use digital devices for work, for fun, and socialisation — but too much screen time can be harmful. There is such a malady as “digital addiction” and it’s characterised by excessive and obsessive attachment to technology, which is harmful to users and people around them.

Parental example is part of the solution when it comes to children’s excessive technology dependence. My study involved 168 parents of adolescents living in Qatar.

We explored whether there was any connection between the intensity of internet addiction of parents and their children. Parents answered a questionnaire about themselves and a second one about their teenage children.

The results showed a direct correlation: the more addicted were parents, the stronger their children’s compulsions. Setting an example is a powerful form of parenting. The way parents use technology is no exception.

There are ways and means to tackle the problem. We analysed the first survey with parents, and conducted further research involving a questionnaire with over 500 adolescents and interviews with 44 parents, 42 adolescents and 13 health and education practitioners in Qatar to better understand the issue and suggest best practice guidelines.

1. Focus on bonding
An effective approach to parents’ digital addiction is to strengthen your connection with your child. Although it may sound simple, our findings showed that low levels of emotional engagement in authoritarian (such as turning off the wifi) and lenient parenting styles worsened digital addiction of children.

Almost all (94 percent) of our study’s parents followed either an aggressive, assertive or lenient digital parenting style. Yet most of their adolescents were either at-risk or already addicted to digital devices.

Internet addiction was high in adolescents who did not have a warm relationship with their parents. Instead, family cohesion and low levels of conflict were linked with low scores for children’s internet addiction. Planning enjoyable family activities gives teenagers something rewarding to fill their time with and increase the sentiment of social support.

2. Let’s talk about it
Setting limits on when teenagers can use the internet, punishments for breaking rules and rewards for reducing technology use is not, by itself, a strategy that works. What is clear is the value of meaningful dialogue with your child about how to manage screen time and online activities.

You need to understand the issues underlying their addiction. Build on what you learned by listening to your child. Once you’ve agreed on a goal, be consistent. Target and limits setting, incentive schemes and regular review of technology works in combination with constructive conversations.

3. Self-discipline
Our findings suggested that no matter the frequency of parental monitoring, there was no decrease in addiction levels. Change can only happen if children are willing. Low levels of self-control are linked to internet addiction in children and adults alike.

A sense of ownership and commitment will empower teenagers to feel as though they are in control and make them more willing to take action. Allow adolescents to decide on limits for their digital use (for instance, how much time they spend on a device and which mobile apps to delete).

4. Turn the tables
When children teach others about an issue, they are more likely to change their own behaviour. Let adolescents guide you to put a plan together to address your internet usage en famille. Work with your children to create trust and shared accountability.
For example, if you decide to create a weekly schedule for your family’s internet usage, include a column for yourself. This approach shows a commitment from both sides to solve the issue. Being a role model is essential to teenagers’ success.

5. Don’t rely solely on parental control tools
The levels of digital addiction that we are witnessing among adolescents indicate that parental software controls aren’t working. A 2017 study found that 22 percent of adolescent participants used the internet excessively. The tools are limited in what they can do. They are missing important features, such as group limit setting.

The word “control” has negative connotations, especially in the mind of adolescents: something to get around rather than work with. Teens regard it as a threat to their freedom.

Digital addiction is associated with a wide range of negative life experiences such as lower grades in exams and job loss. Good, old-fashioned family bonding could be the solution.

(Dr. Raian Ali is professor, HBKU Qatar and visiting professor, Bournemouth University, UK)

(This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license)

Know these technoterms

Technoference. How technology affects interaction between parents and children.

Phubbing (Phone snubbing). The practice of ignoring one’s companion or family members in favour of responding to the phone or other digital device.

Sharenting (‘sharing’ and ‘parenting’). The practice of parents publicizing potentially sensitive content about their children on internet platforms.