Eastern vs. Western parenting

Over the past decade, there’s heightened interest and discussion about the critical importance and impact of different parenting styles — in particular eastern vs. western parenting — on a child’s academic performance, self-confidence, emotional development, behaviour and ability to cope with life’s challenges – Aruna Raghuram A progressive educated new-age parent would not imagine forbidding her child to have a play date, watch television or choose the extracurricular activity she wants to pursue! But these are among the many things Amy Chua, an ethnic Chinese professor at Yale Law School and author of the bestselling Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (2011), forbade her two daughters from doing. Her controversial book is an ode to the authoritarian Asian parenting style vis-à-vis American soft parenting. Over the past decade in particular, there’s heightened interest and discussion about the critical importance and impact of different parenting styles — in particular eastern vs. western parenting — on a child’s academic performance, self-confidence, emotional development, behaviour and ability to cope with life’s challenges. In the 1960s, US-based clinical and developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind (1927-2018) famously categorised three parenting styles — authoritarian, disciplinarian; permissive and indulgent; and authoritative — commonly used today by family coaches to help parents understand and improve their parenting skills. According to Baumrind, authoritarian parents are disciplinarians and punishment is common, and communication is mostly one way: from parent to child. Conversely permissive parents are more like friends than parents, and their parenting style is liberal. Baumrind believed that the authoritative style — wherein parents draw boundaries and provide guidance, but also give children the freedom to make decisions and learn from their mistakes — is the most beneficial for all-round development of children. While Eastern parenting (Chinese, Indian) is generally regarded as ‘authoritarian’, Western (US, Europe) parents are believed to be more liberal, ranged between permissive and authoritative. Within India’s aggressive, upwardly mobile middle class, Eastern parenting is the rule rather than exception with tiger parents demanding blood, sweat and tears from their children, especially in the pursuit of academic excellence. The flourishing private coaching schools industry — typified by the cram schools of Kota (Rajasthan) — which rake in a reported Rs.75,000 crore per year, are testimony to the aggressiveness of India’s tiger parents. On the other hand such micro-managing of children’s lives is rare in America where children are not burdened by high parental expectations, and their sensitivities are a national preoccupation. “Most Indian parents have very high academic expectations of their children and aggressively push them to attain them. This authoritarian parenting style doesn’t always work with children. Every child has unique talents and aptitudes, and a one size fits all approach isn’t advisable. The role of parents is to provide conducive and positive home environments in which children can develop their academic as well socio-emotional skills. Parenting styles need to be adapted and modified to suit the child’s personality and talents,” says Dr. Sumithra Prasad, psychologist and general secretary of Chennai-based Dorai Foundation, which works with special…