A growing number of new millennium parents are suffering burnout with disastrous consequences for children
In the fast-pace age of ubiquitous social media, parents are increasingly experiencing high stress as they juggle household chores, child rearing duties, children’s school and co-curricular activities schedules, the workplace, friends and family. They are discharging responsibilities that parents of preceding generations never experienced or imagined, and without the support system that their parents/grandparents enjoyed.
Today, the overwhelming majority of urban households comprise nuclear families with working parents struggling to cope with work and child care duties. And the brunt of the workload stress is experienced by women who are expected to discharge their workplace and parental duties impeccably. Moreover in the new era of all-pervasive social media, pressure on new millennium parents to live up to media glorification of super-parents has intensified stress.
All this has resulted in a growing number of parents suffering burnout with disastrous consequences for children. Typical burnout symptoms include exhaustion, fatigue, exasperation and emotional distancing from children. Several studies have highlighted that parental burnout adversely affects parenting obligation and capability. Highly-stressed parents tend to pass their anxiety, frustration and exhaustion onto children.
Given the strong negative impact of parental burnout on children, it’s important for parents to slow down and focus on getting back on track. Here is a three-step guide to prevent and remedy parental burnout.
1. Slow down. Don’t cram your daily schedule with activities. Slow down. Focus on the quality and not quantum of activities, and select those that relax and calm the mind. Also, listen to your children instead of always instructing and teaching them.
2. Replace complaints with curiosity. If your children’s behaviour is upsetting, don’t complain; instead become curious about the root causes of negative behaviour. Discuss problems with them and ideate solutions. Reach out to experts if you are unable to resolve problems. Stressing over children’s recalcitrant behaviour is likely to make the situation worse. Confront problems and devise action plans to resolve them.
3. Ensure self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you find that instead of love, anger is pouring out of you — carve out time for self care. Eat and sleep well, exercise, and enjoy time spent with family and friends while refraining from self-blame. Moreover, don’t judge your parental performance harshly and avoid making comparisons.
(Dr. Debmita Dutta is the Bengaluru-based founder of Parenting Place. She has authored seven books on parenting and conducted dozens of neuroscience-based parenting workshops)