Child development and parenting experts are increasingly becoming aware that providing children choices from young age enables them to develop independence, decision-making skills, and confidence writes Aruna Raghuram Adults cherish their freedom. And, a large component of this freedom is the autonomy to make decisions. Why wouldn’t children want the same? Child development and parenting experts are increasingly becoming aware that providing children choices from young age enables them to develop independence, decision-making skills, and confidence. It also avoids tantrums and gives them a sense of power and control over their lives. Dr. Laura Markham, a US-based clinical psychologist, parenting expert and founder of Aha! Parenting website, says the best way to manage uncooperative children is to give them choices. “Giving choices may be the single most useful tool parents have for managing young children. It really is almost a magic wand, at least until children are about five. And even into the teen years, choices help children learn to manage themselves,” she writes. For instance, if you give your child this choice: “Do you want to go to bed now or in five minutes?”, it may avert a bedtime tantrum. Why does giving choices work? Because it’s a win-win solution. “You, as a parent, are offering only choices that are okay with you. Your child gets to pick one that’s okay with her. You sidestep the power struggle. The child is in charge, within your parameters. No one likes to be forced to do something. Here, because she chooses, she cooperates,” explains Dr. Markham. A cardinal rule while giving choices is to not overwhelm children with too many options. Prof. Michal Maimaran, a faculty member at the Kellogg School of Management, Northwestern University, USA recalls meeting a paediatrician who was troubled by the number of choices modern day parents are giving their children. For instance, at the park, a child is asked whether she would rather play on the slide, swing, or kick a ball, or throw a Frisbee, or climb a tree! Prof. Maimaran decided to study the impact of providing too many choices to children. The research study published in Judgment and Decision Making (2017) found that children, who were given less choices (two options) vis-a-vis- six or seven, were more engaged and performed better in activities. Age-appropriate choices It’s important to give children age-appropriate and realistic choices. For instance, asking a toddler to choose whether she wants to nap or not in the afternoon is asking for trouble! It will result in a cranky child and frazzled parents. Here are some guidelines: Infants and toddlers. Even infants make choices. An infant indicates when and how much she wants to breastfeed. When a little older, she will select from finger foods that appeal to her in terms of colour, texture or taste. Toddlers should be given age-appropriate and limited choices. For instance, whether she wants to wear a blue or green T’shirt or whether she wants to play with blocks or read a story. Preschoolers. You could…
