Akanksha Pandey
My six-year-old son becomes anxious before attending his swimming lessons. Despite his love for swimming, this anxiety is affecting his enthusiasm. Please recommend strategies to ease his pre-lessons anxiety.
— Lekha Sharma, Bengaluru
Pre-performance anxiety, aka stage fright or anticipatory anxiety, is caused by a combination of psychological, physiological, and environmental factors. They include fear of failure, perceived lack of control over the situation or outcome of a performance, fear of being judged or evaluated negatively, past negative experiences, setting unrealistic expectations for oneself, and personality traits, such as perfectionism or high sensitivity to criticism.
Encourage open two-way communication with your son to express any fears he may have about swimming. Reinforce the positive aspects of swimming. Encourage him to focus on the process, not outcome. Praise his efforts and accomplishments, both big and small, to boost his confidence and make the experience more enjoyable. Ask him to visualize a positive and enjoyable swimming experience to create a positive mind-set before every lesson. Practicing relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or warm-up exercises such as bending, stretching etc, also helps.
My son (7) gets agitated and frustrated easily when things don’t go as planned. Please suggest some ways to teach him resilience and adaptability.
— Vinola Peter, Chennai
Teaching resilience and adaptability to a seven-year-old involves modeling resilient behaviour, encouraging problem-solving, and providing positive reinforcement for efforts made. Develop emotional awareness by encouraging your son to identify and manage his emotions, while promoting resilience through gradual exposure to new experiences. Celebrate mistakes as learning opportunities, establish predictable routines while allowing for flexibility, and encourage perspective-taking and reflection on challenging situations. Finally, provide a supportive environment where he feels safe to express his emotions and ask for your guidance. Through consistent practice and nurturing, these strategies can enable him develop valuable resilience and adaptability skills.
My nine-year-old daughter feels overwhelmed by schoolwork and extracurricular activities. How can we teach her to manage her time and stress effectively?
— Mira Joshi, Mumba
Start by creating a simple schedule together to cover homework, extra-curricular activities, and relaxation time. Break tasks into small bits to make them less overwhelming and encourage her to estimate tasks completion time. Emphasise the importance of short breaks, physical exercise, and adequate sleep for overall well-being. Teach her relaxation techniques such as deep breathing and let her know that it’s okay to make mistakes and ask for help. Also reduce her activities load if she’s feeling overwhelmed. More importantly, lead by example with healthy habits in your own life and provide full support and comfort when she feels stressed and anxious. With your guidance and support, she can learn to manage her time and stress well.
Lately my son (11) is displaying signs of low self-esteem and self-doubt. What can we parents do to boost his confidence and self-worth?
— Kirin Bagade, Delhi
Boosting an 11-year-old’s confidence and self-worth involves identifying his strengths and interests, creating opportunities for success, and encouraging him to explore his interests. Provide supportive feedback and encourage him to set achievable goals, stressing growth and improvement over perfection. Create a safe and open environment for him to express his feelings without judgement and teach him effective coping skills such as problem solving and positive self-talk for managing challenges. Encourage independence and lead by example by demonstrating self-confidence and positive self-esteem. If he continues to feel inadequate, consult a therapist or counsellor specialising in children and adolescent behaviour.
(Akanksha Pandey is a Bengaluru-based clinical psychologist & co-founder of Compathy Health, a centre for medical and psychological therapy)
Also read: Helping children cope with eco-anxiety
