The subject of children suffering the loss of loved ones during the pandemic when mourning rituals are truncated, support systems are inadequate, and the weight of social stigma is often suffocating, is insufficiently discussed – Punita Malhotra In its second wave, which began in March, the rampaging Covid-19 pandemic is raining a second round of death and misery countrywide — 94,052 infections and 6,148 fatalities per day (June 12). The biggest untold story of the spiralling death toll is that hundreds of children have lost a parent, some even both, to the deadly virus. The subject of children suffering the loss of loved ones is insufficiently discussed especially when mourning rituals are truncated, support systems are inadequate, and the weight of social stigma is often suffocating. In this feature, we present advice from well-known child psychologists on ways and means to help and comfort children to cope with loss of a parent/sibling/grandparent and to build resilience. Breaking the news It’s difficult to break the news of a loved one’s death to children. Psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, executive director of the Laurel’s Center for Research on Girls, Ohio, USA, in an excellent advisory titled, ‘How parents can support their child through Covid-19 losses’ (unicef.org) says that age of a child is the most important factor to bear in mind when breaking such sensitive news. According to her, for children under the age of five years, it’s important to first explain the very concept of death. “Very young children may be confused about what happened — both with loss and grief. They may not really understand what death is or understand that it’s permanent. We need to appreciate that really young children are not only dealing with dramatic changes in their lives, but that they often don’t entirely understand why these changes have occurred or what caused them,” writes Dr. Lisa Damour. Children aged six-11 years react differently to death of a parent. “They are very eager for explanations. They are ready to understand what caused the great disruptions they are dealing with or the death of the person they love. And sometimes we can give them the answers they are looking for, and sometimes we just don’t know — and that can be very hard for them.” In case of teenagers, Dr. Lisa Damour says that they are likely to experience intense emotions and doubts/fears. “For teenagers, the process is intense, because adolescents experience very powerful emotions. They need reassurance that the intensity of their grief or even the moments where they forget or don’t think about the death of the family member, are all normal and expectable, because teenagers can worry that they’re not having the right reaction.” Dr. Damour warns that children who lose a parent often experience bouts of disbelief and shock. It is common for them to wipe out traces of memory connected to the event, which is a normal human defence mechanism against intense pain and trauma. Youngest children tend to get regressive, clingy, and experience…
