Dr. Samir Dalwai

Dr. Samir H. Dalwai is a Mumbai-based developmental behavioural paediatrician

I often get asked this question during workshops: “How can parents create a supportive environment that enables children to better cope with exam stress and develop a positive outlook towards schooling?”

The answer begins by reversing the question. Unless one has a “positive” outlook towards schooling, there cannot be a supportive environment that helps children cope with exam stress.

Unfortunately, if school is associated only with academic outcome, there will always be a hyper-isolated focus on examination, inevitably leading to exam stress. Subsequently, failure/ inability to score high in examinations is viewed as a pervasive failure leading to children experiencing depression and even committing self-harm.

Here are some strategies for parents to change this situation. I call this a recipe — there is no exact formula; you can mix the ingredients as you like!

PARENTS, BE MINDFUL OF

• What you believe is the role of education and schooling. It is important to remind oneself that school is a place where children are introduced to the real world in a safe space, not merely a place to acquire a degree/qualification.
• ‘Good vs Bad, Right or Wrong, Correct or Incorrect’, are all binaries. They are modifications of the ‘fight or flight’ reaction, representative of the primordial or pre-human brain. Education is the process of training the mind for thinking and analysis — to evaluate both sides of an issue and choose the one most relevant to the context. Therefore, ensure your child is focused on the why and how, not just the what and where. An ‘educated’ mind is more likely to analyse success and failure more maturely and deal appropriately with stress.
• Information can be acquired in the library or on the internet (Google, ChatGpt). School is where children make friendships and learn to build lasting relationships. Ensure you prioritise this for your children.

PARENTS, PRACTICE

• Teach your child the value of planning. Encourage her to view every exam as a new project, break down the syllabus into smaller portions, make a list of x chapters to be studied in y days and allot hours and days to attain specific goals. Support her by playing an active role in the planning; offer her a salad or cup of warm milk or occasionally help with writing notes.
• Review your child’s academic progress regularly — at the end of every day and every week. Re-allot what hasn’t been completed. Transform it into a project with a streak of adventure rather than a series of tasks.
• Celebrate each small milestone! “Yay, we finished the first reading of the history chapters!” Celebrate with a snack or walk to her favourite store or an impromptu dance session!
• Plan to celebrate the ‘right’ milestones — completing an examination, rather than planning to celebrate exam results. Better to say, “Hey, let’s get a pet cat once you finish your exams” rather than “Hey, let’s get a pet cat when you score 90 percent”.
• Conversations should also focus on celebrating life events. “This year our son has his board exams so we won’t be going to that family marriage or family vacation or having our uncle over” — don’t do that! Of course, restrict socialisation when an important exam is scheduled but don’t make chilren feel as if their world has ended because they need to write the class X or XII board exams. This attaches disproportionate importance to exams and increases stress.

In summary, be mindful of and prioritise life over exam marks and living over academic performance! Life is beautiful (watch this movie!) only if you practice living every day!