Veena Shankar

My son feels left out of the ‘gangs’ at school. How do I help him cope?

• Find out why this is happening. Is he new to the school, or is he very different from those he wants to be friends with?
• Share your childhood experiences of being left out and explain that it is not because of his personality. He may want to be a part of a particular gang, but he may have more in common with other classmates or groups in class. Encourage him to focus on being friendly and helpful with everyone, including other marginalised children. Soon he will find himself within an inclusive group.
• Encourage him to be himself and not go out of the way to try to fit in with certain kids.
• Ask him to invite his friends home. It will also give you an opportunity to spot any problems that you can help him fix.

My daughter’s school often has special programmes, but they can’t accomodate everyone. So someone else gets selected for dances, competitions, plays and games. My daughter wonders why she is never chosen. It seems to be affecting her self-esteem. What do I do?

Help your child understand the reason why she doesn’t get chosen — the ratio of children chosen, and the number of children in school. Reassure her that she would make a wonderful dancer or speaker, and talk about how she can find opportunities to use her talents in other ways, such as presentations in class.

• Provide her a platform to showcase her talents in other dance classes and clubs where she can play an active part.
• Investigate the criteria which teachers use to choose performers. Talk to her teacher to find out if she can give her opportunities to participate in school programmes.
• Use the situation to motivate her and take the initiative to do something herself. For example, she and her friends could put up an entertainment show in your apartment or neighbourhood. Or she could start a Talent Club, and invite her friends.
• Help your child understand that school programmes are just a small part of her life, and that there are many more interesting things that she can do.