– Sue Atkins is a UK-based internationally recognised parenting expert, broadcaster, speaker and author of Parenting Made Easy — How to Raise Happy Children (2012)
Of late my four-year-old daughter is making a fuss about eating her vegetables. She throws tantrums including throwing away her plate. I can’t understand what has caused this change in behaviour. Nothing adverse has happened at home either. Help!
— Ritu Sharma, Delhi
There may not be obvious changes at home but the world has undergone cataclysmic changes because of the pandemic. It’s likely your daughter has picked up pandemic-related anxieties. Her tantrums are a sign that she is distressed. Talk to her to understand and resolve the underlying reasons behind her tantrums.
Moreover all children misbehave at times. Don’t overreact. Create a calm home environment during mealtimes. Offer less on the plate and involve her in preparing meals.
It’s also helpful to use the ‘week not day’ rule when it comes to children’s eating habits. Therefore even if she’s barely eaten today, she’s probably had enough on other days. Most children eat enough over a week to keep their stomachs full.
Don’t turn mealtimes into a battle — it sends out the wrong message that there are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ foods. Don’t bribe her with treats. Also make mealtimes a family affair and role model eating vegetables as children learn by example.
My husband and I will be returning to work from our offices next month, after a year of work-from-home. My children aged five and eight years have got used to us being home 24×7. Their school has not announced a reopening date, likely to be in June. We are on the lookout for a nanny. Please advise how we can make our children comfortable with us returning to office.
— Beena and Shijo Varghese, Trivandrum
Reassure your children and provide all information about their new daily routine without you. Ensure the nanny is reliable, vigilant, and trustworthy.
It’s also a good idea to start preparing your children for school. After one year of home online learning, youngest children will find the transition to regular in-school classes difficult. Address their fears about school reopening and encourage them to welcome the opportunity to interact in-person with peers and teachers.
During the past year, my teenage son hasn’t paid any attention to academics. His school is likely to reopen in June. He is 14 years old and in class IX. How do I get him back on the learning track? If I broach the subject, he gets worked up.
— Kalyan Praseth, Bengaluru
Boredom, disinterest, and distraction are typical of the adolescent years. Now add the uncertainty and disruption of the Covid-19 pandemic, and you will understand why your son is demotivated.
Talk to him about how he feels about his education. Talk with him, not at him, about his education and career goals. Don’t command, instruct and preach to him. Support and facilitate his education and career aspirations. Also speak with his school teachers and solicit their support to organise remedial classes if he needs them.
Teenagers are extremely sensitive to negative feedback. Choose your words wisely and be encouraging. A child who is loved and understood will be motivated to study much more than one who is unloved and anxious about displeasing his parents.
