My ten-year-old son is aggressive and short-tempered. On some occasions he has also hit himself. In school too, he gets into fights with classmates. I am very worried. Please advise.
— Shruti Deshpande, Mumbai
I’m sure it’s distressing to see your son display aggressive behaviour and harm himself. I recommend that you consult a professional psychologist/counselor to determine if there are any underlying mental health conditions such as ADHD, anxiety or depression. You could also do the following:
- Teach and model positive coping skills such as ways to manage anger and frustration. These include deep breathing and mindfulness exercises. Also encourage him to develop hobbies and pursue extra-curricular interests such as sports and music.
- Encourage your son to identify the factors triggering aggressive behaviour so that he can learn to recognise them when he is upset and develop anger management skills.
- Speak with your son’s class teacher/ school counsellor and develop a plan to address his aggression.
Most important, please remember it may take some time to see behaviour improvements. Be patient and seek support from professionals and your son’s school counselors.
Despite many warnings at home and in school, my 15-year-old son persists with using abusive language. Any suggestions on how to address this problem?
— Vinay Chakraborty, Delhi
I suggest the following guidelines:
- Talk to your son. Have a heart-to-heart conversation with your son. Make sincere efforts to understand his reasons for using abusive language. Be calm, non-judgemental, and listen to his perspective.
- Set clear rules. Let your son know in clear terms that abusive language is unacceptable. Set clear consequences for recalcitrant behaviour and don’t hesitate to enforce them.
- Speak to the school counselor. It is important to work with your son’s teachers, including school counsellor/psychologist.
My eight-year-old is hyperactive. Teachers complain that he won’t sit in one place in the classroom. Please help..
— Ishvi Gupta, Hyderabad
It’s challenging for teachers to manage hyper-active children as it not only adversely affects their learning but also that of peers. I recommend that you:
- Talk to your child’s class teacher and counselor and create a structured classroom routine that he should follow.
- Encourage him to participate in physical activity and sports.
- Use positive discipline and reinforcement.
- Seek an evaluation from a mental health professional or paediatrician to determine if he has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) that may be causing his restiveness.
It’s pertinent to highlight that every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Be patient and continue to work with your son’s teachers and other professionals to explore strategies that suit him.
(Shubhada Shekar is a counsellor and special educator, Christ Nagar Junior School, Thiruvananthapuram)