My son is having difficulty making friends. Help!

Dr. Priyanka Goenka

My preteen son is experiencing difficulties making friends at school. How can we support him to develop social skills and forge friendships?
— Dinesh Thapar, Delhi
Two years of schools lockdown and social isolation during the Covid pandemic has adversely affected children’s social skills development. I suggest you increase his supervised social experiences by increasing play time outdoors as well as inviting classmates home. Ensure that the play activities are under your supervision, as it will enable you to observe your son and make note of the social skills he lacks, and accordingly focus on developing them.

My teenage daughter becomes distressed over small mistakes. How can we help her embrace imperfections and overcome her perfectionist tendencies?
The desire for perfection arises when one feels that their imperfections are not accepted by people. Discuss non-judgmentally with her about her fears and insecurities, encourage her to embrace failure as a learning opportunity. Also counsel her that while it’s good to do all jobs well, sometimes things don’t go as we planned, and it’s best to move on.

My five-year-old daughter enjoys playing sports. Although she participates enthusiastically during practice time, she vehemently refuses to participate in any competitions. Please advise.
— Shaanu Singh, Bengaluru
You need to have a talk with her. Encourage her to share her fears and anxieties about playing competitively. Listen patiently, without disparaging her fears. They are real to her. Let her unburden her emotions. Don’t force her to compete. Provide unconditional support and give her time to overcome her fear of failure.

My seven-year-old son gets agitated and frustrated easily when things don’t go his way. Please share some strategies to teach him resilience and adaptability.
— Jiten Verma, Mumbai
It will be helpful to understand what is causing your child to become agitated and frustrated. Usually, children don’t get frustrated easily. Is your son seeking control over some things that are important to him? What does he seem to be missing in life? What does he want most? Spend time with him to observe and understand his fears. Provide him opportunities to participate in enjoyable play and learning activities so that he gets positive feelings of achievement.

(Dr. Priyanka Goenka is a child psychologist at Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, Delhi and co-founder of Ehsaas)