Sridhar Pallia
Sridhar Pallia is a Bangalore-based clinical psychologist, founder of Brain Behaviour Academy and co-founder, DigiNxtHlt Solutions and Services Pvt Ltd, a mental wellness health-tech company
My 12-year-old son often indulges in attention-seeking behaviour. How can I discourage this without hurting his social confidence?
— Mira Das, Mumbai
Children, especially when they enter their teen years, experience a wide range of emotional and psychological changes. One of them is a tendency to indulge in attention-seeking behaviour. For most children, it’s natural to engage in behaviour intended to attract notice and admiration. Within the peer group, children do this to be accepted, establish their leadership and enjoy the admiration associated with it. To achieve this, they could engage in positive or negative activities without understanding the consequences.
Children are hardwired to seek validation from adults to feel secure and valued. It often arises from emotional insecurity, changes in family dynamics, and boredom. Parents can address attention-seeking behaviour by providing nurturing and supportive home environments. Spend regular, distraction-free time with your son to fulfil his natural need for validation. Acknowledge and praise positive behaviour and reinforce healthier ways of seeking attention. Be patient and consistent in setting boundaries, explaining when and how attention can be sought, while also encouraging independence through confidence-building activities.
Teach emotional literacy, such as naming and managing emotions through storytelling or emotion charts. Excessive attention-seeking behaviour sometimes signals underlying challenges. If the behaviour persists and significantly disrupts daily life, consult a professional counselor.
I want to develop emotional intelligence and empathy in my two children aged eight and ten years respectively. Please advise.
— Rishika Jha, Mumbai
Emotional intelligence and empathy are intangible virtues that cannot be taught like you would teach academic subjects such as math or science. They need to be nurtured. The most effective way of nurturing emotional intelligence and empathy in children is by role modelling these virtues. Create a harmonious home environment that is conducive to developing these skills. Encourage open communication by creating a safe space where children can express their feelings without better judgment and teach them an emotional vocabulary to better articulate emotions. Use everyday moments to highlight empathy by asking questions such as, “How do you think they felt?” and reinforce kindness through praise and discussion. Reading stories with diverse characters or engaging in role-play will enable children to understand different perspectives and practice compassionate responses. Involve them in acts of kindness, such as volunteering with a local NGO. This reinforces the value of empathy and compassion.
My seven-year-old son is an introvert. Please suggest ways to increase his social confidence and improve his communication skills.
— Chandrasekar Reddy, Bengaluru
As famous neuropsychologist Dr. Russel Barkley remarked that children are born with 400 different genetic traits. Therefore, every child is unique in personality, temperament and abilities. While some children are naturally talkative, others prefer to remain quiet. In cases where children are excessively shy, parents need to provide social interaction opportunities for them.
I suggest you gently encourage your son to engage in social interactions while respecting his need for solitude. Behaviour changes take time. Be patient. Avoid labelling and encourage every step forward. At the same time, recognize and celebrate his unique qualities, such as deep thinking, creativity, and empathy, which thrive in reflective environments. Create opportunities for one-on-one or small-group interaction that feel less overwhelming. Teach him social skills through role-playing and simple conversation starters to build confidence. Encourage participation in activities where he can meet like-minded peers. Balance social exposure with downtime to recharge and avoid pushing him into social situations that feel forced or unnatural. Let him know that it’s okay to prefer quieter settings while reinforcing his capability to cope in more socially demanding environments.
