Kids are better regulated emotionally, more resilient and more open-minded when their fathers are involved in their education and socialisation. Nurturing dads raise emotionally intelligent children — making society more respectful and equitable, writes Kevin Shafer When my oldest son was born in July of 2008, I thought I could easily balance my career and my desire to be far more engaged at home than my father and his generation were. I was wrong. Almost immediately, I noticed how social policies, schools and health care systems, all make it difficult for dads to be highly involved and engaged at home. Contradictory expectations about work and family life abound. As a fatherhood researcher with four kids of my own, I am convinced that fathers are transformative figures for children, families and communities. A man’s mere presence, paycheck and willingness to punish misbehaving children is not nearly enough. Many of the benefits of fathering for children come from dads being nurturing, loving and engaged in all aspects of parenting. When fathers are caregivers — when they provide emotional support and behave affectionately toward their kids, the effects go well beyond growth, development, good health and solid grades. My research shows the benefits also include raising children who value emotional intelligence, gender equality and healthy competition. Nurturing versus stoic dads Thinking about the broad impact fathers have, I analyzed how fathering affects different social values – such as a belief in gender equality – in May 2021. Surveying more than 2,500 American fathers 18 and older, I found that involved fathering has a long-lasting impact on the personal principles and cultural perspectives of children. In my survey, I found the differences between the least nurturing and the most nurturing fathers are stark. Surveyed fathers who reported that their own fathers were highly withdrawn tended to be hypercompetitive, emotionally stoic and unappreciative of women’s contributions outside the home. In contrast, surveyed fathers who said they had highly nurturing dads were much more likely to achieve their goals in a healthy manner, be more emotionally open and believe in equitable partnerships. How dads instill values Several decades ago, most fathers were unwilling or unable to provide their children with emotional support or physical care. Instead, they focused on bread-winning, children’s discipline and simply being present at home. These traditional norms left many contemporary fathers ill-equipped for modern parenthood. Contemporary social norms set broader expectations for fathers: rule enforcement and economically supporting the family while also providing for children’s physical and emotional needs. Broad paternal involvement with kids is important because dads have unique effects on kids. Children’s values, beliefs, emotional expression and social development are strongly associated with fathering. Kids are better regulated emotionally, more resilient and more open-minded when their fathers are involved in their education and socialization. Boys, for better and worse, often mirror the habits, interests and values of their own fathers. My colleague Scott Easton and I found that how one’s father behaves is especially powerful given that cultural, social and…
