Over-parenting teaches children to be entitled – let them fail and learn to be resilient instead, writes Ana Aznar During the last couple of decades, new types of parents have emerged. From the anxiously involved helicopter parents to the pushy tiger mums, these differing styles all have one thing in common: they tend to involve over-parenting. This is where parents micromanage their children’s lives — giving them little autonomy, putting too much pressure on them to achieve academic and personal success, while allowing few chances for their children to experience failure and frustration. These are the parents who run back to school when their children forget their sports kit, do their homework, and ask others in the parent WhatsApp chat for the homework when their child does not bring it home. These parents believe their children are always right. They will confront teachers if the child feels they have been unfairly treated, or will confront other parents if, say, their child is not invited to a party. As their children grow, these parents decide which higher secondary subjects their children should choose, and do not allow their adolescents to travel on their own because they are afraid they may be kidnapped. These parents may well accompany their children to university applicant interviews, or even to job interviews. They tend to consider themselves their child’s best friend, rather than parent. While there is no doubt that these parental behaviours are acts of love, the problem is that by making sure that the children never fail an assignment, experience a detention, or the disappointment of not being invited to a party, these parents are not letting them fail. As a result, they are effectively hindering their child’s development. The power of failure By learning to bounce back from failure, children develop resilience. They learn to deal with frustration and to regulate their emotions properly. And it is crucial children develop these skills during childhood to be able to lead successful lives. Most research on over-parenting has focused on how it has affected university students. But linkage between over-involved parents and negative consequences is found when examining children of all ages. Indeed, pre-school and primary school children of over-involved parents tend to experience high levels of shyness, anxiety and poor peer relations. When examining adolescents and university students, these negative consequences continue. For example, 16 to 28 year-old students who reported having helicopter parents are more likely to have low levels of self-efficacy — the trust that people have in their own abilities and skills — and poor relationships with peers. In similar research, young people who reported having over-involved parents experienced higher levels of depression and stress, less satisfaction with life, as well as less ability to regulate their emotions. They also reported a higher sense of entitlement, and increased substance abuse than young people with less involved parents. Bad for parents too Over-parenting does not only have negative consequences for children. Parents who over-parent are more likely to experience high levels…
