While coping with the demands of two or more children can be overwhelming for parents especially mothers, for first-borns and older children the arrival of a new sibling is stressful and difficult as they now have to share parental attention and affection – Shreya Iyer The arrival of a second child in a family can be exciting, challenging and a roller-coaster of emotions for both, the big brother/sister and parents. While coping with the demands of two or more children can be overwhelming for parents especially mothers, for first-borns and older children the arrival of a new sibling is stressful and difficult as they now have to share parental attention and affection. Even best-behaved children tend to react regressively with the entrance of a new sibling. Therefore it’s imperative for parents to invest time and effort in preparing children for the expanded family. Ahmedabad-based freelance writer Shivli Tyagi, who is all set to welcome her second child, believes that the older child needs equal and perhaps more preparation than parents themselves for this change in family dynamics. “Start preparing your first-born from the moment your baby bump begins to show. Many parents break the news to children late in pregnancy and expect them to understand and process the news quickly. I have already begun involving my six-year-old in planning, shopping for the baby’s clothes, toys etc and hope to give both my equal time and attention after delivery,” says Tyagi. Yet while explaining morning sickness, baby bump and different stages of pregnancy to inquisitive and curious children, it’s important that parents use age-appropriate language. Neeraj Dabral, commercial manager with a Dubai-based healthcare company, who has two children Aarush (8) and Taanya (3), says that he and wife Shilpa accessed specially curated pregnancy websites to help them “use the right language and phrases” to explain pregnancy and childbirth to children. “Thankfully, there are several superbly written and researched websites which explain the pregnancy cycle to young children in developmentally and age-appropriate language. We used them to explain Shilpa’s pregnancy and prepare Aarush for the arrival of his little sister. Once my daughter was born, we made sure to involve Aarush in several baby care activities and made it a point to appreciate his efforts,” says Dabral. However, inevitably even the best-prepared children experience envy and resentment when parents divide their love and attention. The most common complaint is that older children tend to act younger, demanding the same attention their new sibling is getting. For example, a toilet-trained elder child might start having accidents or insist on wearing diapers or want to feed from the bottle. In some extreme cases, they may take their frustrations out on the infant by harming her. Parenting experts and counsellors advise parents to actively involve elder children in developmentally appropriate chores for the new-born and actively praise their positive behaviour. “After the arrival of a new sibling, first-borns often throw tantrums because they want parental attention. Parents can deal with this in many ways. For instance,…
