Sahai Helpline

Parents and children guideMy son who has managed to pass his class XII exam in the second attempt, is faring badly in his studies. He doesn‚t want to do his graduation in arts or science as he feels the former is for “sissies” and the latter will prove too difficult. Please advise.A.S. BangaloreIt would be advisable to have his aptitude assessed by a professional career counsellor. Such counselling will reveal your son‚s interests, strengths and weaknesses and personality type, an understanding of which will help him make an informed career choice.Recently a student with a similar problem came to us for help. After analysing the results of his aptitude test, it became obvious that his preferred choice of medicine/ engineering was not compatible with his aptitude or personality. Currently he is reading for a degree in law and doing very well. You also need to ascertain if there are any major distractions in your son‚s life that may be adversely affecting his studies. There could, for example, be high levels of anxiety, unhealthy peer pressure, or tensions at home which need to be identified and addressed at the earliest. Moreover following economic liberalisation and annual economic growth touching 8 percent, numerous alternative, job-oriented education programmes offer prospects of satisfying and rewarding careers. For example, animation, web design, fine arts, sound engineering and several other diploma programmes ‚ all of which provide practical training and offer excellent employment prospects ‚ have become attractive options.My niece, aged 13 is from a single parent family. Her father deserted the family when she was a baby and her mother has gone abroad to work. She has been staying with us for the past year. Unfortunately she is faring badly in her studies ever since I got her transferred to a prestigious school with a good environment and better opportunities. Lately she has been moody and uncommunicative. She hides her report card and lies about her grades. Please advise.W.A. Bangalore. Ex facie your niece seems very insecure about herself and her altered situation. With good intentions you transferred her from a familiar, to a more competitive and unfamiliar environment. This change must be quite stressful for her. Hiding her report card and not being truthful about exam results indicate that she may be afraid of being hurt ‚ by way of punishment, ridicule, or comparison, or of being the cause of hurting those she loves (i.e you and/or her mother).Moreover your niece is in the throes of adolescence and hormonal changes. Her reaction could stem from family dynamics or from the fear of being rejected for not getting good grades. You need to reassure her of your unconditional love and support. Identify her areas of limitation and strengths and encourage her to join activities that interest her. This will enhance her confidence and self-worth. An achievement or talent mastered will boost her self- esteem.Moreover, it‚s advisable to seek professional help. Find an experienced counsellor, who can draw out her problems and talk things through with both of you. You‚ll then have a much better idea of which way you need to go. My son cleared the Karnataka government‚s CET (common entrance test) and has been admitted into a reputable engineering college. But after two semesters, his marks started falling and he has dropped out of college. Now he is a loner and has stopped communicating with family and friends. I am very worried about his future.P.A. MysoreJudging by what you say, it‚s likely that your son is suffering from depression and requires professional help. You should have him assessed by a clinical psychologist/ psychiatrist immediately.Meanwhile you should ensure that your son feels especially cared for during this stressful period. Most likely, it‚s only a passing phase and we are confident that with appropriate treatment and counselling, he‚ll be able to resume his education.My daughter hasn‚t been able to secure admission into any of the top-rung engineering colleges (IITs/ BITS, Pilani/ RECs). Can she still become a good engineer or should she choose an alternative career?A.M. BangaloreBefore all else, you need to establish if your daughter has the aptitude for engineering. Once this is established, through an aptitude test, you need to remember that merely getting admission into a top-rung college doesn‚t necessarily mean your daughter will perform well in her studies. Success in any field is less dependant on the quality of the host institution and more on individual effort. Before she starts college you should advise her to do considerable supplementary self-study in the library, lab, etc and involve herself in extra-curricular activities in her college, because there‚s much more to education than mere academic success. (Lata Jacob & Anita Gracias are volunteer counsellors with Sahai Helpline, Bangalore. E-mail queries to [email protected])