ParentsWorld August 2022 Archives

Coping with children’s tantrums

PW invited parents of SVKM’s Mukesh R. Patel School (CBSE), Shirpur, Dhule district (Maharashtra) to share insights on how they handle their children’s tantrums After the prolonged schools lockdown as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic, I am not surprised my son Om Prashant (class VIII) is addicted to his mobile phone. Having no domestic help made matters worse leaving us with no time to monitor his activities. When normal school re-opened, we started restricting his access to digital devices but noticed a rise in his tantrums. Distracting him did not work and he started performing poorly. We then decided to enrol him in a residential school with tight schedules which barred social media access. It was the right decision. His tantrums reduced appreciably and he now invests substantial time in sports activities. — Prashant Patil, teacher at Zilla Parishad School, Bandarpada, Sakri “Our son Aditya Sunnykumar Gujrathi (class IV) is an intelligent, hardworking child who usually completes his work on time. However, the minute he starts demanding something which doesn’t meet our approval, his tantrums begin. After analysing the situation, we decided to sit together and engage in healthy conversation with him to politely explain to him that his object of desire may not be the most important thing in his life. This works better than saying a sharp ‘No’ to his face. This tends to make children rebellious. Positive attention is our mantra. — Dr. Sunnykumar, medical practitioner Tantrums are a common trait among teenagers including my son Dhruv Deepak Shevankar (class IX). Ours is a traditional household when it comes to following set rules of behaviour. Dhruv is free to talk with friends and peers the way he wants, but at home with elders he is extra careful with language and etiquette. We never engage in paying verbal bribes to get tasks done. As parents we give him all the space and time to do what he wants, but accept no excuses in following a study time-table. Having conditioned Dhruv from early age, his occasional tantrums are easy to handle. Being firm but polite works most of the time. — Deepak Kingaonkar, examination department official, NMIMS, Shirpur Teenage tantrums can become frustrating especially when we are under substantial work pressure. In such situations, I try to communicate with my teenage daughter Dhara (class X) to understand the cause of her tantrum. Most teenage tantrums are rooted in hormonal changes but as parents it’s important to ensure that they don’t take advantage of these situations. Appreciating my daughter’s smallest efforts and giving positive feedback has helped to make her feel important. Although I must admit that I have succumbed to a few demands which aren’t harmful to her physical or mental well-being. — Ankur Patel, chemical engineer, Total Pvt. Ltd

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Soften the stance with Euphemisms

Euphemism is the substitution of an agreeable and inoffensive phrase for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant, Roopa Banerjee When a colleague or friend says, “I am under the weather,” we know that she is feeling physically unwell. But instead of stating the bald truth, she prefers to use a euphemism. Euphemism is the substitution of an agreeable and inoffensive phrase for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant. It’s derived from the Greek word euphemismos or euphemia, which means ‘to sound good’ or ‘words of good omen’. Euphemisms are of various type. For instance abstractions that refer to unpleasant facts of life such as death. Saying that a person passed away is a commonly used euphemism for death. Similarly, modifications are used to alter an offensive noun to an adjective to reduce hurt, such as “That was a silly thing to do” instead of “She’s silly.” Euphemisms have become an accepted part of verbal communication because stating the plain truth may be considered rude and brash in polite society. Therefore using euphemisms allows you to say what you want indirectly to soften the blow. Euphemisms sometimes evolve as meanings of words and their connotations change with changing times, thus rendering them counterproductive and unintentionally offensive. For example, welfare was originally used with a constructive implication, but years of typecasting have harmed that nuance. As a result, people are now using assistance to convey altruistic services. Euphemisms are also deployed extensively for humour or to cover profanity on television and cinema. For example, in the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail, a seriously wounded knight refers to his amputated arm as a “flesh wound.” Disney’s hit movie The Emperor’s New Groove offers a fine example of euphemism. The protagonist Kuzco fires his advisor. However, when the advisor shows some distress, he hurriedly says the same thing with euphemisms: “Um, how else can I say it? You’re being let go. Your department’s being downsized. You’re part of an outplacement program. We’re going in a different direction. We’re not picking up your option. Take your pick. I got more.” Of course, literature abounds with euphemism as it injects poetic imagery in writing. William Shakespeare used this literary device in all his plays, without exception. These lines from Macbeth are probably the most stellar example: “But be the serpent under ‘t. He that’s coming Must be provided for; and you shall put This night’s great business into my dispatch…” The phrase ‘must be provided for’ alludes to the planned murder of the king. Similarly, Tom Hardy’s poem Afterwards denotes death with the subtle phrase ‘stilled at last.’ “If, when hearing that I have been stilled at last, they stand at the door, Watching the full-starred heavens that winter sees…” George Orwell in his dystopian novel 1984 also used euphemisms generously. “The Ministry of Truth, which concerned itself with news, entertainment, education, and the fine arts. The Ministry of Peace, which concerned itself with war. The Ministry of Love, which…

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Ladakhʼs unconventional attractions

With some of the highest motorable roads worldwide, a close-up experience of the Himalayas, high-altitude lakes, and primeval wilderness with miles of solitude, the charms of the Union territory of Ladakh are unique The Union territory of Ladakh (pop. 1.3 million) administered by a Lieutenant Governor is among India’s most trending tourism hotspots. Once visited only by foreign travellers exploring monasteries and forlorn mountain trails, Ladakh’s stark, barren and unconventional landscape has been impacted upon the popular imagination by several Hollywood and Bollywood blockbuster movies, which have brought this isolated region on the radar of India’s more adventurous middle class travellers. Ensconced in the Upper Indus Valley of Kashmir, straddling the upper Himalayas and the Karakoram range, Tibetan Buddhists constitute over 50 percent of the population while the Shia Muslims are another majority here. Ladakh translates into “land of high passes”. Getting there With Aksai Chin, and Xiangjiang (China) to the north and east, and the Kashmir valley to its west, Ladakh is surrounded on three sides by Pakistan and China and subject to frequent border incursions from armed patrols of these nations. This explains the visible presence of the Indian Army in the district. If despite this geo-political drawback, the region is attracting a rising number of tourists from India and abroad, it’s because the charms of Ladakh are unique and make unconventional demands on tourists. It offers some of the highest altitude motorable roads worldwide, a close-up experience of the Himalayas, high-altitude lakes and a primeval wilderness with miles of solitude. The peak tourist season is mid-May to October. However, quite a few adrenalin-spiked hikers roam Ladakh even beyond October, when harsh winter sets in. The easiest — even if expensive — access to Ladakh is by air. At 10,692 ft above sea level, Leh’s Kushok Bakula Rimpochee Airport is one of the highest altitude civilian airports worldwide. However, landing at the strip is not assured with powerful and unpredictable mountain winds often disrupting flight schedules. All flights to and from Ladakh operate only during morning hours as winds become stronger and more dangerous post noon. An hour’s flight from Delhi or Srinagar, fares on the Delhi-Leh sector are among the highest and range from Rs.3,000-10,000. Less affluent and more adventurous travellers tend to drive from Manali/Srinagar to Leh, along the world’s most scenic roads. The two-day, 427 km Manali-Leh road winds its way through five steep passes in the Himalayas — Rohtang (13,060 ft), Baralacha La (16,500 ft), Lachulung La (16,616 ft), Tanglang La (17,460 ft) and Nakee La (15,647 ft). It traverses glacial streams and rivulets which feed major rivers including the Chenab and Beas, and affords spectacular vistas of Himalayan peaks. Overnight halts are at Keylong (3,096 ft) which offers conventional hotels (Rs.300-2,400 per room per night) or Sarchu (4,253 ft) and Pang (4,500 ft) with basic yet adequate tented accommodation (Rs.500 -1,000). Most tourists prefer to halt at Keylong to ease the process of altitude acclimatisation. Driving up the Manali-Leh road is a test…

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Tarotscopes: Forecast for July 15-August 15

Tarotscopes: Forecast for August 15-September 15

Chandana Chavan is a Bangalore-based tarot card reader with over 15 years of experience and special interest in parenting. Instagram:@mystic.muse.tarot

Aries: Strength
Your child is susceptible to illness during this time. Prepare her for financially difficult times ahead. You also need to work on improving your relationship with her. Remember that parenting is about ensuring children […]

Nuts over nuts

The humble groundnut, aka peanut is omnipresent in every child’s snack box. But don’t limit your love for nuts to snacking on them. Try out these recipes which generously use protein-filled peanuts, adding flavour, texture and taste, writes Ramya Saktivel Health benefits. Peanuts are rich in protein and aid muscle-building and overall growth. They also reduce cholesterol levels, fight heart disease, and reduce inflammation. Their high fibre content boosts digestion, and they also contain copper, vitamin A, folate and magnesium. Ingredients • ½ kg chicken (in medium size pieces) • 50 gm peanuts • 4 red chillies • 1 green chilly • 2 onions • 1 tomato • 2 inch piece coconut • ½ tsp saunf powder • 2 tsp sesame oil • Salt to taste Preparation guide • Roast the peanuts on a dry pan and set aside. • Chop the onions and tomato. • Heat oil in a pan, add onions and fry till transparent. • Add tomato and stir until fully mashed. • Add the green chilly, saunf and red chillies. • Grind nuts in a dry grinder and set aside. • When the mixture has cooled, grind it in a mixer along with coconut. • Pressure cook the mixture, nut powder and chicken. • Add salt and 1 ½ cups of water. Cook for three whistles. • Serve on a bed of rice or with soft, homemade rotis. Ingredients • 1 egg • ½ cup peanut butter • ½ cup crushed peanuts • 2 cups flour • 1 cup brown sugar • 1 cup sugar • 1 tsp salt • ½ cup butter (unsalted) • ¼ tsp salt Preparation guide • Preheat oven to 175oC • Blend brown sugar, peanut butter and egg in a mixing bowl. • Mix until you get a ball of firm dough. • Break the lumps and make one inch balls. Flatten them and place on an ungreased cookie sheet. • Sprinkle the crushed nuts on each cookie. • Bake in the preheated oven for about 10 minutes until edges are set. Ingredients • 200 gm peanuts • 70 gm jaggery Preparation guide • Heat a heavy or iron pan. Roast the peanuts on low heat. • Keep stirring to make sure the nuts don’t get burnt. • When cooked, transfer to a large tray and cool. • Use a pestle to break and powder the jaggery. Remove any black specks of dust that may be present. • Dry grind the nuts. There should be no large pieces, but don’t grind to a fine powder. • Add the jaggery and run the mixer for a few seconds. • Remove the mix, and make small balls, making sure you are able to bind them well. • The balls can be stored for a week.

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Getting into shape after childbirth

Many women tend to believe that after child birth they will lose weight naturally and get their pre-pregnancy body size and shape back automatically. Sadly, that’s a misconception. A woman’s body goes through several dramatic physical changes during nine months of pregnancy. For instance the uterus and its lining enlarge some 500 times the normal size by the eighth/ninth month. Therefore post-delivery, it may take weeks, even months — and some effort — for the body to get back to its normal size and shape. PW spoke with health and fitness experts to share suggestions about best ways and means for women to get back into shape after child birth. Be calm & patient Weight loss takes time; the body needs time to recover from the stress and strain of pregnancy and child birth. Therefore calm and patience is necessary. Don’t expect overnight miracles. And most important, avoid post-partum fad diets. Eat healthy • After delivery, the body sheds about half the weight gained during pregnancy. But, it still retains fluid which will be lost over the first few weeks after child birth. Some stored fat is required to help produce breast milk. • Ingest a healthy diet with foods rich in protein (meat, fish, yogurt, cheese and beans) and fibre (green vegetables and fruits). Breastfeeding also aids the body toning process. Flow into fitness Ease yourself gradually into a fitness regimen starting with light exercises. Don’t push yourself too much. During the first six weeks after child birth, start with walking about the house doing daily household chores. If you are able to and your doctor advises, it’s good to start pelvic floor exercises to prevent postpartum incontinence, and help the uterus get back to normal. You could also try brisk walking, cycling, jogging or swimming. But if you have had a C-section or any other complications, please consult your doctor before initiating an exercise regimen. Exercises The following exercises are very effective for new moms: Kegels. As soon as you feel able, contract and relax the pelvic muscles. Simply squeeze as if you’re trying to stop the flow of urine. Hold for three to five seconds. Then relax. Do this five times. Kegel exercises strengthen pelvic muscles. Hip strengthening. Lie on your back. Bend your knees. Lift hips upwards slowly, as high as you can. Then lower them slowly. Start with ten and increase to 15. Do three sets per day. Leg lifts. Lie on your back with knees bent. Lift hips off the ground, as high as you can. Lift one leg, hold for four seconds. Then lift the other leg. Do this ten times. Stretching. Stand straight, lift hands up, then slowly bend down and try to touch the floor. Repeat ten times. Back stretch. Lie on your stomach. Keep palms on the floor next to your stomach, with elbows bent. Lift your head and bend backwards as far as you can. Cat and cow. Get on all fours. Lift your upper back with head tucked…

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My daughter’s friends are having a bad influence on her. Help!

My daughter was good at studies until class VIII. After that, we changed her school and now she has many new friends, some of whom I don’t like. These new friends are a bad influence and have adversely affected her academic performance. — Shikha Shivlani, Pune It’s the responsibility of parents to keep an eye on their children’s peer group and friends, and protect them from getting into trouble. But you need to do this without being intrusive. I suggest you introduce her to another group of friends or enroll her in activities where she gets the opportunity to make new friends. Re academics, you could consider getting her tutorial help. My 13-year old daughter lives with her uncle and aunt for purpose of school education. They all have been living in the same house for more than ten years. They take care of all her expenses. But my daughter’s behaviour towards them is not good. Are they not taking good care of her? When I ask my daughter, she doesn’t say much. Please advise. — Anonymous, Mumbai A 13-year-old adolescent is especially sensitive and emotional. She could be experiencing mixed feelings about staying away from her parents, even feeling abandoned by them. You need to make efforts to bond with her. Does she come home for the holidays? Do you visit her often? You need to make more effort to spend quality time with her, and make a decision in her best interest. My 18-year-old son is an introvert. Unfortunately, his mother died recently. Since then he has become more reticent and is glued to his mobile phone. I have also received complaints that he is sending lewd text messages to women. How can I help him? — Distressed father, Delhi A parent’s death is a traumatic experience for children. Your 18-year old teen might be overwhelmed by a mix of emotions including anger, melancholy, helplessness, grief, among others. All this is manifesting in him misusing technology. I recommend you immediately get the help of a professional counsellor to address the problem early on, before it escalates. I have two girls and a boy. My husband and I have always treated them equally. But the girls keep complaining that we are partial to our son. How can we make them understand that we are not discriminating against them? — Ruchi Sharma, Bangalore Demonstration is the best way. First, I suggest that you introspect if the same opportunities are being given to the male and girl children. Be honest with yourself, to ascertain if there’s any favouritism or partiality. Secondly, you must explain to your children the reasons for important decisions so they don’t feel discriminated. Moreover avoid favouritism when sharing gifts, rewards and praise. (Dr. Pallavi Rao Chaturvedi is a parenting coach, founder – Get Set Parent, and vice-president, Early Childhood Association of India)

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Short story: The Super Computer

Lakshmi Narayan Once, a long while ago — perhaps in a previous life — I found myself abducted by aliens and taken to their spaceship. After the initial fear, we started chatting. Needless to say, I was full of questions. Since I was a UFO tracker and a sci-fi buff, I wanted to know how the spaceship operated, especially after I saw all the gleaming apparatus. They sportingly allowed me to play with the controls, then urged me to try and push my palm through the steel-like walls of the craft. Of course I expected terrific resistance. But was shocked when my fist went right through the wafer-thin walls. When they asked me to repeat the exercise on them, it was like they too were no more than etched contours. “We’re just holograms. Our real selves are still in the home planet,” they laughed at my bafflement, obligingly morphing from alien to human to animal to illustrate. “We can take any form we like,” they explained. “What about this ship?” I asked with growing concern. I didn’t want to be standing in a void, with nothing to hang on to. “It too is an illusion.” They matched word to action by changing the craft in quick succession to a submarine, a rocket and a fire breathing dragon with wings. Sensing my mounting alarm, they reassured me, “Don’t be scared. You won’t fall. Because it’s your hologram we’re communicating with telepathically. You are safely in bed in your room.” “I suppose it’ll take us another thousand years before we reach your advanced sophistication,” I sighed enviously. I was shocked when they revealed that aeons ago, it was our rishi-munis who’d taught them the science, when they’d visited their planet. “For some reason, we progressed and you regressed,” they remarked thoughtfully. “Can you not teach us what our ancestors taught your ancestors?” I suggested eagerly. “But the knowledge is still with you. It was never taken away.” When I looked puzzled, they pointed to my head. “The most advanced and complicated computer in the galaxy is the human brain, with the mind in the driver’s seat,” they elaborated. “There’s no need to ride in cumbersome spaceships, use expensive fuel, suffer years-long journeys, be scared of being hit by meteorites, face searing hot temperatures or noxious acids in hostile environments. “When the mind steers through space, it becomes part of its surroundings. It soaks in everything and communicates with other beings in their language. Instead of behaving like a colonizer, it becomes one with the host planet, imbibing the many lessons offered. It’s mutually beneficial — they share their knowledge and we share ours. “To operate this spaceship skilfully, you must learn to merge with the universe and blank out all distractions. A time will come when you’ll be adept at this. When that happens you will straddle the world of dreams and of factuality and traverse to the most extra-ordinary realms.” I woke up abruptly, unable to tell the real from the…

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DIY: Lava Lamp Experiment

Johanna Preethi Shama M. The lava lamp experiment demonstrates and explains the concepts of liquid density and chemical reactions to children. Materials  Food colouring  Small cup  Vinegar  Baking soda  1 litre bottle or jar  Vegetable oil  Spoon  Small torch or phone Experiment Step 1  Put three tablespoons of baking soda in the 1 litre bottle/jar. Step 2  Fill 2/3 of the bottle or jar with vegetable oil without letting it mix with the baking soda. Step 3  In the small cup, add 3 drops of food colouring and some vinegar. (To make it more attractive, you can mix colours and add glitter) Step 4  Slowly add the food colouring and vinegar solution to the bottle/jar and observe what happens!  To produce the distinctive lava lamp glow, place your phone torch below the bottle to light up the bottom. Observations  The density (mass/weight) of vinegar is greater than of vegetable oil; hence it sinks to the bottom of the jar, making it “heavier.”  Chemical reactions are the second observation. The vinegar combines with baking soda to release carbon dioxide. This gas manifests as bubbles pushing the liquid to the top. When the bubbles pop, blobs of colored water fall back to the bottom of the glass.

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Imaginary companions are good for children

Cathrinal Silvia In a room full of eight-year-olds, everyone’s busy talking to each other. But suddenly, Shiva leaves to talk to ‘SuperKid,’ an imaginary friend who is waiting to take him on a space adventure. Shiva feels compelled to explain to Superkid why he can’t join him on his adventure right now, but will do later at bedtime. Does your child have a imaginary friend too? If she does, there’s nothing wrong with her. It is perfectly normal, and, in fact, good. According to a 2004 study by Washington and Oregon universities, an estimated 65 percent of children have an imaginary companion (IC) at least once in a lifetime with children aged three-four years — experiencing rapid brain development — most likely to have ICs. A more recent 2021 study by Masahiro Imafuku, a Tokyo-based researcher, found that children with excellent sketching abilities are more likely to have ICs. Is it unusual for children to spend time with an imaginary friend? No. Sharing and discussing problems with even an imaginary person stimulates the brain to ideate and think. Several studies have shown that children with imaginary friends are more likely to be firstborns or only children, but contrary to popular belief, they are not lonelier or more shy than others. In fact, they tend to be creative extroverts. According to psychologists, imaginary companions offer healthy opportunities for children to experience things they can’t have in real life — such as a space adventure. Imaginary play offers children a rare chance to be in complete control. Parents shouldn’t worry about children and their imaginary companions unless they become reclusive and refuse to participate in school/play activities with peers. Friendship with an imaginary person is pleasant and positive for youngest children. As children transition out of early childhood, ICs typically become less important and are usually forgotten.

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Homework apps

With the new academic year having begun and schools in a hurry to make good the pandemic learning loss, children are struggling to cope with homework and assignments. We recommend four apps to help children cope with homework, writes Poornima Dilip Brainly This app which describes itself as a “knowledge-sharing community where 350 million students and experts put their heads together to crack the toughest homework questions”, lives up to its promise. It provides in-depth step-by-step explanations of popular K-12 questions with the additional feature of live tutor chats during which questions are answered in real-time by vetted experts. Brainly also allows students to chat directly with tutors, ask follow-up questions, and receive explanations through images, equations, diagrams, etc. Students can also scan a text question or equation and post it online to get instant answers. Moreover, the app hosts a good collection of engaging videos. Chegg This app is a one-stop solution for homework help and exams prep. It has a massive library of Q&As — 60 million — in math, business, physics, engineering, chemistry, among other subjects. Students can click a photo of questions and submit it to Chegg experts who will send detailed answers in less than 30 minutes. The app assures students of 24/7 assistance. Socratic This app by Google covers all major subjects including algebra, geometry, trigonometry, biology, chemistry, physics, history, and literature. Students can access both text and video explanations. There’s also provision to use your voice or phone camera to connect with online resources. The app is designed by teachers and subject experts who have provided a vast library of resources to enable students to complete homework projects on a mind-boggling range of topics. Tutorbin This app developed by Gurgaon-based Vashp Buddy Pvt. Ltd offers several online tutoring options. Children have the option to attend live sessions 24/7 offered by experts. A team of 65,000 expert tutors offer lessons in over 250 subjects. Real-time guidance enables timely completion of homework assignments and projects.

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Career for youth with wanderlust

The demand for professionally qualified geologists with a sense of adventure has increased almost tenfold during the past decade For outdoor types who like to explore the environment and hike through the wilderness, professional qualifications in geology could open up a world of opportunities. Geology is the science of earth studies. Geologists study geographical data and material collected through seismic prospecting, examine surface and underground rocks, minerals and fossils in search of oil, natural gas and minerals. A number of universities and institutes offer bachelor, Masters and doctoral degree qualifications in geology. For admission into undergrad study programmes, Plus Two with science and at least 50 percent average is mandatory. STUDY PROGRAMMES. Almost all major state universities host geology departments and many top institutes offer graduate and postgraduate studies in geology. The most reputed are: • IITs (Mumbai, Kharagpur, Roorkee, Bhubaneswar) • IIT-Dhanbad • St. Xavier’s College, Mumbai • Institute of Science, Mumbai • Tata Institute of Fundamental Research, Mumbai • Indian Institute of Geo-Magnetism, Mumbai • Physical Research Laboratory, Ahmedabad • National Geophysical Research Institute, Hyderabad • National Institute of Oceanography, Goa • Indian Space Research Organisation (ISRO) — Space Applications Centre (SAC) in Ahmedabad and Delhi Professionally qualified geologists are usually employed in mining, oil, petroleum and ground water exploration; environmental planning and site remediation; geotechnical investigations; ISRO; defence terrain research; academia, and often in banks (as domain specialists for resource evaluation). Also Read:Floral designers in full bloom PAY & PERKS. Remuneration packages of geologists are attractive. In academia, an assistant professor with a Ph D can expect an annual pay package of Rs.6-9 lakh; in the oil industry, a postgraduate averages Rs.12 lakh; in mining around Rs.3-11 lakh and in the public sector ONGC, a junior geologist starts at Rs.10 lakh per year. With a few years of experience, professional geologists could take home Rs.20-24 lakh annually. “The demand for well-qualified geologists has increased almost tenfold in the past decade. That’s mainly due to the opening up of the Indian economy and the new natural resources management and utilisation policies enacted by the Central government,” says Dr. Hrishikesh Samant, associate professor of geology and vice principal at St. Xavier’s College, Mumbai. The department/faculty was established over 90 years ago as an independent school affiliated with Bombay University, and recognised by the varsity as an independent research centre in 1954, offering undergraduate and postgrad degree programmes in geology. After acquiring Masters degrees in applied geology and geo-exploration from IIT-Bombay, Samant began his career as a geologist with the public sector Mineral Exploration Corporation Ltd (1990-92). After working for the government and acquiring adequate field experience, he re-entered IIT-Bombay, working as a tutor in the faculty of earth sciences, and simultaneously conducting research in the remote sensing photo-geology and geomorphology laboratory, for which he was awarded a Ph D in 1997. Meanwhile in 1996, he began lecturing in the geology department of St. Xavier’s College and in 2017 was appointed vice principal. PROFESSIONAL PROFILE. “Teaching this subject is challenging…

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Helping teens cope with peer pressure

It’s critically important for parents to provide emotional support and guidance to enable children to ride through the stormy adolescence period and blossom into confident young adults Adolescence is a time of intense physical, psychological and emotional changes. During the teen years, children experience emotional highs and lows and are particularly vulnerable to peer pressure as they struggle to establish their independence. Therefore, it’s critically important for parents to provide emotional support and guidance to enable children to ride through this stormy period and blossom into confident young adults. Here are three common challenges that confront parents of adolescents and my advice to manage them: 1. Challenge of ‘fitting in’ and meeting parental/peer expectations Teenagers experience great difficulty trying to ‘fit in’ with a peer/social group and meeting expectations of society and now ubiquitous social media. Parents, teachers and friends have different expectations of them and they get stressed trying to accommodate them. Parents should encourage positive peer pressure to study well, dress neatly, and behave courteously, and discourage negative peer influence such as pressure to behave aggressively and experiment with alcohol/drugs. Parents can empower children to cope with peer pressure and build positive self-image. Some suggestions: • Share stories of yourself or others who resisted peer pressure and as a result succeeded in their vocations and life. • Highlight dangers of alcohol consumption and drugs abuse. Emphasise that the courage to say ‘no’ to peers is laudable. • Encourage teens to develop positive self-image and confidence by praising their unique talents and skills. • When you observe your teen doing the right thing, voice your appreciation. Emphasise that people who stand their ground are admired for their resolve and determination. • Reflect whether as a parent you are also trying to ‘fit in’ with your peer group. If children observe that parents are going out of their way to keep up with the Joneses and meet society’s expectations, they will follow suit. Role model self-confidence and the resolve to make independent decisions. 2. Group facilitation effect Adolescents are susceptible to the group facilitation effect wherein everyone in the peer group is focused on common/shared tasks and goals, such as scoring good marks, impressing the opposite sex, owning the same things such as cycle, bike, play station, etc, playing in a sports team, hanging out in one club and/or restaurant. Some suggestions for parents to help teens to resist group facilitation peer pressure: • Set mutually agreed rules pertaining to socialisation with friends, eating out and parties, and spending money. Once the rules are finalised, enforce them firmly. • Keep yourself informed about your child’s social life and her friends. This will enable you to prohibit social gatherings where substance abuse is likely. • Constantly reassure your teen of her physical attributes, skills and talents. Self-confidence is critical for teens to obviate social anxiety. • Explain that not agreeing to engage in some activities with friends doesn’t mean they are inferior. It’s just that their interests differ. 3. Group inhibition…

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Preparing for early menarche

With sharp decline in the menarche age, it’s become critically important for parents to mentally prepare girl children for the onset of menstruation and its associated physical changes, writes Ramiya Saktivel Menarche or the onset of menstruation is a time of anxiety and apprehension for girl children. More so, since the age of menarche has been steadily declining over the past decades for several reasons including global warming, rising incidence of obesity, and lifestyle changes. It’s not uncommon for girl children today to attain puberty between nine-11 years of age. According to a 2014 research study published in the National Library of Medicine online journal, the mean age of menarche of Indian women was 13.76 years in 2005. A more recent study (2020) published in the Journal of Preventive Medicine and Holistic Health estimates the average age of menarche to have declined to 12.77 years. Against this backdrop of sharp decline in the menarche age, it’s become critically important for parents to mentally prepare girl children for the onset of menstruation and its associated physical changes. Menarche signs Dr. Anu Sridhar, senior consultant, obstetrics and gynaecology, Fortis Hospital, Bengaluru, advises parents to look out for bodily changes/signs indicating onset of the first menstrual period. “A girl’s menstrual cycle usually begins around two years after she grows breasts. Another sign is vaginal discharge fluid, which can be noticed on the underwear. This discharge typically begins six months to a year before menarche,” says Dr. Sridhar. Preparing the child These signs are indicators that it’s time to start conversations about puberty. If she is nine years old and/or mentions a friend experiencing menarche, explain that menstruation is a normal physical process experienced by all girl children worldwide. In particular, prepare her for the physical changes she will experience. Answer all questions honestly including queries about child birth. Discussion guidelines • Stress that menstruation is normal and experienced by every woman • Use age-appropriate language to explain the ovulation process which will make childbirth possible in later years. • Reassure her that blood discharge is heavier for some girls and lighter for others. • Teach her to use sanitary pads the right way, to maintain vaginal hygiene. • Emphasise that normal activities including sports can be continued during menstrual periods. Menstrual products Sanitary pads are available in a variety of shapes and sizes, and should be chosen according to the severity of the blood discharge. Although synthetic material pads are readily available, the trend is towards using natural pads made with plant fibres and reusable cloth. Tampons are another option but since they need to be inserted internally, all girl children are not comfortable using them. Usually tampons and menstrual cups are used by girls who participate in sports such as swimming. “Whatever sanitary product you use, it’s most important to maintain proper hygiene. Parents must teach girl children how to use pads, change them frequently, and wash hands before and after adding or changing them. This is necessary to prevent vaginal infections.…

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Should I stop my child from eating chocolate?

Dr. Akash Paul My eight-year-old daughter loves eating chocolate. This has led to teeth decay. Should we restrict her from eating chocolate? — Shilpi Khanna, Pune Bacteria in the mouth feed on the excess sugar of chocolate, turning it into acids, which cause dental cavities. It’s advisable to restrict her from eating chocolates for some time. But chocolate is not the only food that causes tooth decay. Residue of all foods and beverages can cause plaque. To prevent cavities, you need to make brushing teeth at least twice a day an integral part of her daily routine. My 15-year-old son eats paan occasionally. Is this dangerous? — Mira Bai, Delhi Paan contains tobacco, which is harmful for everyone, especially children. It can cause several ailments including dental, psychiatric, gastro-intestinal, cardiac, addictive and carcinogenic. Instruct him to stop consumption immediately. If at any time you feel he is addicted, don’t hesitate to visit a doctor or psychiatrist. My five-year-old daughter plays with sand and often puts her hand in her mouth. What should I do? — Vimala Singh, Mumbai This is normal behaviour in children. Playing in sand is good for developing motor skills, hand-eye coordination, and strengthening muscles. It also aids intellectual development and builds immunity. So don’t interrupt her sand play. But it’s also important to inculcate good hygiene habits. Germs reside everywhere. Remind her frequently that it’s not advisable to put unwashed hands in the mouth. Stick a bandage on her fingers to remind her not to put fingers in the mouth. Explain to her that she could fall ill. My 15-year-old daughter wants to be a fashion model and has begun dieting. She eats what we all do but much less. She also avoids foods such as potatoes and ghee. Will this affect her health and well-being? — Bina Mathew, Trivandrum Children need a balanced diet to develop bones, brain, and all organs. Not eating enough raises the risk of poor brain development, cognitive deficiency, and susceptibility to infections and diseases. To maintain an athletic body, children should take up physical fitness and sports activities such as cycling, climbing, yoga, dance, Zumba, and such. Nutritious meals are essential for developing a healthy physique. Also advise her to avoid junk food. (Dr. Akash Paul is general physician, Pillar Hospital, Port Blair)

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What is gentle parenting? An expert explains

Stephen Scott In the past decade, the concept of “gentle” or “respectful” parenting has gained considerable traction. The foundation of the idea is in being parents who are emotionally attuned to their children, and try to understand the reasons behind their behaviour. There is great value in this, but it isn’t the whole story. Children also need their carers to set clear limits. A common theme of gentle parenting is that parents should not rush in and immediately condemn their children if they don’t like what they’re doing. Instead, they should stop and listen to their child, then validate their feelings. For example, they might say “so you are cross and shouting because you think your brother was being unfair when he took your toy, and that upset you”. Gentle parenting suggests that when a parent shows understanding of the child’s emotional state, it will help the child to calm down. Only after doing this should the parent decide what to do. This approach also has the longer-term aim of promoting emotional intelligence. The idea is that as children grow older they will learn to identify their own emotions more thoughtfully and act more appropriately. Higher emotional intelligence is associated with fewer emotional problems and higher school attainment. But we also know that, when it comes to the parent-child relationship, how the parent responds to their child is crucial. After listening and clarifying what the child is feeling, the parent then needs to build on this to help the child think calmly and positively about the problem and find a good solution. Responding to children Parents who do this are, in the language of child development, “responding sensitively” to their children, both when the child is upset and when they are happy. A research study of more than 1,000 pairs of children and mothers showed that children whose mothers responded sensitively in their first three years of life had better social skills at age 15 and also performed better academically. What’s more, parenting like this can be learnt. I carried out research with colleagues in which groups of parents and children attended a two-hour session each week over three months. In this time, parents were encouraged to get down on the floor to play with the children in a particular way where they make positive comments on the child’s play activity and keep up a positive tone. They also avoided asking questions, which interrupts the child’s imaginative play and imposes the adult’s agenda. This led to an improvement in sensitively responding from parents. It also resulted in enduring improvements in child adjustment and reading ability, as seen in our follow-up study of the children into adolescence. However, this is only half the story. In addition to the warm close relationship created by sensitive responses to a child, boundaries need to be set as well. Children need to be able to live in the world with other people and get on with other children and adults. They need to learn how…

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Inspire children with the idea of india

In this special 75th Independence Day cover feature, we present suggestions to parents on simple but effective ways to educate children about India’s unique freedom movement and the democratic and secular ideals that Mahatma Gandhi and other great visionaries gifted free India, writes Ramya Sakthivel & Cynthia John Sentient educators and intellectuals are unanimous that educating children about the democratic, egalitarian and secular values incorporated into the Constitution of India is important because on its 75th Independence Day, the nation is deeply divided on religious, caste, and ideological fault lines. As the nation begins its year-long celebration from oppressive and well-disguised exploitative British rule, this is a good time for parents to educate their children about the country’s unique and unprecedented freedom movement led by Mahatma Gandhi and a pantheon of extraordinary visionaries who united 525 princedoms and principalities and conceptualised the idea of a democratic, secular India governed by rule of law and comprehensive Constitution. Despite 105 amendments it has ensured — to the surprise of most political pundits of the time — survival of India as a liberal democracy. This is especially important because Gen Z is exposed to a barrage of trivial lifestyle information and content on social media pandering to Western culture and mores. Counter propaganda at home is necessary for children to experience the pride of India’s rich culture and traditions, and comprehend the significance of the democratic, egalitarian and secular principles of the Constitution. “It’s very important that every parent educates children about our country’s hard-won freedom struggle, visionary leaders and high ideals incorporated into the Constitution. This will make them aware of the country’s heritage and diverse culture, and motivate them to discharge their duties as good citizens,” says Juhi Singh, a Bengaluru-based homemaker and mother of seven-year-old twin girls. “I show my twins patriotic movies, while reiterating that it’s the duty of every individual to work for the welfare and development of all citizens. More recently, I’ve been encouraging them to watch the Commonwealth Games to experience the joy and pride of the country’s athletes winning medals,” says Singh. In this special 75th Independence Day cover story, we present suggestions and recommendations for parents to educate their children about India’s freedom movement and the uniquely non-violent and secular ideals that Mahatma Gandhi and other leaders of the independence struggle gifted free India. Hoist the national flag Har ghar tiranga is a campaign of the Central government to advise every Indian to hoist the national flag at home from August 13-15 to mark the country’s 75th Independence Day. Citizens are also entreated to pin their location virtually on https://harghartiranga.com/ to confirm they have done so. The Amrit ka Mahotsav Instagram and Facebook pages also offer interesting tricolour filters. Sign up for this campaign and encourage children to actively participate in hoisting the tiranga/tricolour at home. Interpret the colours of the national flag for them. Saffron — Courage and sacrifice White — Truth and peace Green — Faith and strength Charkha — Welfare of…

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