In true competition, no person stands defeated. Winning is overcoming obstacles to reach a goal, but the value of winning is only as great as the value of the goal itself. Reaching the goal itself may not be as valuable as the experience that can come in making a supreme effort to overcome the obstacles involved. The process can be more rewarding than the victory itself —W. Timothy Gallwey in the Inner Game of Tennis (1974). When the focus is exclusively upon the scoreboard or outcome, there are forces at work which diminish a sport’s ability to perform important renewal functions. Fights, brawls, screaming coaches, dirty play, taunts, and trash talk make for good media spectacle, but depress the spirits of one group of participants in service of the tainted needs of another. Truly expansive and educative sports experiences should uplift the spirits of all participants, whether on the sidelines or in the game, regardless of whom the scoreboard declares the winner. All participants in sports or athletics activity have their own inner scorecards which record those exhilarating moments when they were put to a test and passed; when they attained new levels of development as players or aficionados; when they discovered new capabilities within themselves and when they celebrated their special moments with their fellow participants. One of the most valuable gifts a parent, coach, or teammate can give sports-people is to teach them to find something enjoyable in every on-field moment, regardless of outcome. This means teaching them to broaden their vision and look beyond scorelines and outcomes to all the moments leading up to the final score. These special moments are treasured for their intensity of emotion and awe, rather than by the points, games, matches, or championships won. The expansive sportsperson is one who, like a great photographer, snaps dozens of shots, knowing that if he views the subject from a variety of angles, his chances of capturing the essence of the subject’s character is greatly enhanced. Expansive sports experiences take participants outside themselves. Therefore if participants remain exclusively focused on themselves, it is impossible to enjoy great sports experiences. When a coach is more concerned with his reputation, an athlete doubts his capability, a parent experiences disappointment in her child’s performance, or a spectator enjoys a competition only if his team wins, it is difficult to have a wholesome sports experience. Only when participants “get out of themselves” and invest in making the process enjoyable for themselves and others, will a sport or game attain full potential as a nurturing exercise. Wholesome sports experiences allow participants to develop their masculine and feminine personalities. Through their competitiveness, sports and games encourage participants to develop conventional masculine qualities, such as enduring stamina, strength, and aggression while attempting to best the competition. Unfortunately male athletes often feel they aren’t living up to their manly expectations of being tough when they lose. Even Dan O’Brien, winner of the 1996 Olympic decathlon gold medal, and possibly the greatest athlete ever, felt compelled to admit…
