Ways to strengthen family bonding
Gayathri Rao
– Gayathri Rao is a Bangalore-based psychologist and founder of Aaroha Child Development Centre
We lead such busy lives that there’s hardly any time for emotional bonding. The children are caught up with school and homework, while we’re tied to our office routines. How can we build and strengthen family bonding?
— Gopika Varma, Delhi
In fast-paced contemporary life, it’s important for parents to utilise every opportunity – such as the time spent in traffic jams — to bond with their children. These days the biggest obstacles to connecting with our children is the smartphone. Many of us find it easier to give our attention to digital screens rather than to people around us. We don’t always need to set aside special time to bond — sometimes even a one-on-one chat with children during daily activities, such as folding clothes or making a meal together, is sufficient.
Focus on quality rather than quantity of time. Here are some suggestions to make the most of your time with your children:
- Ask about how their day went and listen attentively without interrupting, jumping in to explain, or adding your perspective.
- When children feel heard, they begin to acknowledge you as someone they can confide in during difficult times.
- Ask open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no, allowing them to elaborate.
- Involve them in non-major family decisions. For example: “It’s a holiday — what should we have for dinner?”
- Make the effort to eat dinner together as a family. Avoid TV dinners/meals.
- Share your day’s experiences with your children — people you met, how you overcame a challenge, or something that annoyed you.
After dinner, we often watch the TV news en famille. Of late, my ten-year-old has begun asking questions about crime news. Please suggest how I can answer these questions without making him anxious and fearful.
— Jivana Hariharan, Chennai
The most obvious step is to shield children from news that is not age-appropriate. However, in today’s tech-driven world, this can be difficult; therefore, monitor what your child is watching. It’s also important to help them identify trustworthy information. Not everything they read or watch online is true.
If your child has seen disturbing content, encourage him to talk about it. Children are naturally curious and will have questions. Don’t hush-hush uncomfortable subjects. Being open to conversations creates space for healthy and informative dialogue.
While discussing sensitive topics such as crime, keep explanations factual and simple. Use correct terminology for body parts, actions, crimes; avoid slang or made-up terms. Don’t show discomfort. Let him know that it’s okay to feel scared, confused, or uncomfortable after hearing bad news. Address his anxiety and fears. You could also take this opportunity to discuss personal safety in practical, age-appropriate ways: such as standing up to bullies at school, questions to avoid when interacting with strangers, and contacting emergency services (police, ambulance, etc) when in danger. Your child needs to know that nothing is off the table when it comes to his safety.
I am a mother of two children aged eight and 12 years. They have recently made online friends. I want to educate them about the difference between real and virtual friendships. Please advise.
— Hiba Shefali, Chandigarh
Today online and social media are part and parcel of children’s lives. You have an important duty to educate your children about the difference between real and virtual friendships. Reiterate to them that online friends cannot replace in-person relationships or build social skills. Encourage your children to prioritise real-world relationships over virtual friends. Moreover, children between four-12 years are too young to have unsupervised online friends. Monitor their online communication regularly.
Real friendships involve shared physical activities, deep emotional communication, misunderstandings, and the process of resolving conflicts. These experiences teach children cooperation, empathy, and problem-solving jointly. In contrast, online interactions lack adequate emotional context. People tend to present their “best selves” online. Encourage your children to participate in in-person sports activities and playdates. This will develop their communication, emotional expression, and conflict resolution skills.
My nine-year-old son had a bad experience of public shaming and criticism in school. Please suggest how I can help him overcome this unpleasant experience.
— Leena Yamini Kakkar, Mumbai
Public shaming and harsh criticism can upset a child deeply. Encourage him to narrate his experience without interrupting or rushing to solve the problem. Acknowledge his sentiment: “That must have been hard.” Validation will make him feel understood instead of dismissed. Gently remind him that criticism and mistakes don’t define him. Share simple, age-appropriate examples from your own life to normalise the experience.
Once he has been heard, help him process what happened with open-ended questions like, “What bothered you the most?” This will make him reflect rather than bottle up emotions. Teach simple mind-calming activities such as deep breathing, drawing, and journal writing.
It may also be helpful for you to meet with his school teacher and ensure institutional support is provided to him. Rebuild his confidence by highlighting his strengths and offering opportunities for success — such as solving a puzzle or completing a household chore. These small wins will help him regain a sense of capability.
With steady reassurance and unconditional support, he will learn that tough moments pass and transform into valuable learning experiences.
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