Rising consumerism, a me-too culture and the monstrous and ubiquitous growth of social media have made it imperative to teach children empathy

Aruna Raghuram

“Before you criticise or judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes.”

This aphorism epitomises empathy — the capability to put yourself in the

shoes of another person and understand their emotions. According to well-known American psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman, empathy is critical for children to develop emotional resilience and build strong interpersonal relationships, essential for success in academics, work, and in life.

In most Western education systems, teaching children empathy is not optional. Several of them have formally included it in their school curriculums. For instance, Denmark has made empathy education mandatory in schools since 1993, teaching it as part of the curriculum through weekly classes called klassens tid for children aged six-16. These sessions help children understand emotions, resolve conflicts respectfully and collaborate with peers.

The results are impressive. Danish schools report lower levels of bullying, stronger peer-to-peer bonds and greater community engagement. Educators believe that Denmark’s emphasis on emotional well-being — alongside academics — has contributed to the country’s consistently high rankings (Top 10) in the World Happiness Report. Long-term research studies also suggest that children exposed early to empathy education are more likely to enjoy academic success, graduate at higher rates and maintain healthier adult relationships.

Similarly, Japan teaches children empathy through omoiyari — the practice of anticipating the needs of others before they are even expressed, a form of selfless compassion. This ethic of empathy is introduced to Japanese school children from early age and reinforced through every day social behaviour.

In the Indian context, while some progressive schools are beginning to integrate social-emotional learning in the curriculum, a focus on teaching empathy as a core skill is rare. That’s why parents need to step in and instill this valuable life skill within children. “Empathy is learnt behaviour, and it is first learned at home. When a child is born, she is, and has to, be self-focused to meet her needs. There are no feelings of empathy in a child for the first few years. But when she is older and her mother tells her: “When you pull my hair it hurts but when you hug me it gives me joy”, the child learns to understand her mother’s sentiments. Or her father may tell her: ‘Look, your younger sister is injured and crying’. The child experiences the pain of her sister and strives to comfort her. Parents are the first role models of children. For instance, if parents are kind to house helpers, children will empathise with their struggles and appreciate the help they provide to manage the home smoothly. Home is where parents should give children their first lessons in empathy,” says Ahmedabad-based psychotherapist Meenakshi Gupta.

Rising consumerism, a me-too culture and runaway growth of social media have made it even more necessary to teach children empathy. Comments Bengaluru-based Nitesh Batra, a certified Compassion Cultivation Trainer: “We are becoming a very hyper individualised society where there is a tendency for children to become self-centred. Rising consumerism and materialism fuelled by advertising have made children acquisitive and competitive. Add to this the rise in digital and social media addiction. All this has made children more self-absorbed and less empathetic. Parents have to make greater efforts than before to nurture empathy in children,” says Batra.

Gupta concurs that all-pervasive social media with its culture of instant gratification and constant comparison has made children lose emotional sensitivity toward others. “Excessive social media focus reduces children’s capacity for empathy. It leads to a lack of real-world social interaction. Face-to-face human interactions are necessary to develop emotions, including empathy. Moreover, the rising obsession of children with digital gadgets has seen a decline in pretend play — role play such as a doctor, teacher, etc — critical for developing empathy among children,” she adds.

According to Batra, teaching of empathy should begin during the early years. “From the age of two, children are naturally empathetic. But this quality needs to be nurtured by parents through games, role play and storytelling. I also suggest chanting of mantras and meditation. It helps children connect better with themselves and motivates them to help others. Involving children in household chores such as making their beds, tidying up their rooms, watering plants are also expressions of empathy,” says Batra who adds that beyond empathy, children should be taught the virtues of kindness and compassion. Recently, Batra launched the M-Teen (m-teen.in) — Mindfulness for Teenagers to teach them compassion-based practices.

10 options to instil  empathy

Empathy involves 3 Cs — connecting, caring and communicating. Here are 10 options to instil empathy in children:

• Model empathetic behaviour. Children learn best by example, so practise kindness, compassion, and respect in everyday interactions.
• Help children recognise and name their emotions. Teaching them to understand and validate their own feelings enables them to empathise more easily with others.
• Listen with full attention. When children share their thoughts or experiences, give them your time and presence — this teaches them that emotions matter.
• Teach awareness of non-verbal cues. Help children interpret body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice to understand non-verbal cues.
• Address unkind behaviour promptly. Gently but firmly discourage meanness, bullying, and guide children toward more considerate behaviour.
• Expose them to diversity. Encourage learning about varied people, cultures, and backgrounds to broaden perspective and acceptance.
• Read stories that explore emotions. Books that describe characters’ sentiments help children see the world through another’s eyes.
• Encourage cooperative play. Board games and group activities that require teamwork develop children’s patience, sharing, and mutual respect.
• Promote helping and sharing. Whether with peers or adults, small acts of kindness reinforce caring behaviour.
• Create opportunities for service. Volunteering and participating in social initiatives help children develop compassion and a sense of responsibility toward others.