– Neha Bahl, Executive Director, IC3 Institute

I often think about the questions we ask children when we talk about their future. What do they want to become? Which subjects are they good at? How well are they doing in school? We ask these questions because we want them to have choices, opportunities and the confidence to build meaningful futures. But there is another question we may not be asking often enough: Are they happy with the person they are becoming? We have become very intentional about preparing children for success. We track their marks, celebrate their achievements, identify areas for improvement and plan their next steps. Yet, how often do we pause to understand how children feel about themselves along the way? The IC3 Student Well-being Pulse Report 2026 gives us reason to pause. Based on responses from 8,515 school students, the report records a decline in overall well-being from 62 per cent in Grade 8 to 43 per cent in Grade 12. Happiness declines from 65 per cent to 48 per cent, while confidence falls from 64 per cent to 47 per cent. These numbers invite us to look beyond academic progress and consider what students experience as they move through school. Are they becoming more confident in their abilities, or are they increasingly measuring themselves against expectations?

There is nothing wrong with ambition or high expectations. Children need goals to work towards. They need to experience challenges, receive feedback and learn to navigate disappointment. These are important parts of growing up. But we must also ask ourselves what happens when achievement becomes the strongest measure of a child’s worth. When appreciation is consistently linked to marks, ranks and awards, children may begin to believe that doing well is what makes them deserving of recognition. A disappointing result then becomes more than an examination setback. It can make a child question their abilities and even their potential. Social comparison can deepen this experience. Children compare themselves with siblings, classmates and friends, often without knowing what lies behind someone else’s achievements. Digital platforms add another dimension, bringing carefully selected versions of other people’s lives into their everyday experience. Before long, a child may stop noticing how far they have come because someone else appears to be further ahead.

The answer is not to lower expectations or protect children from every disappointment. It is to help them understand that their progress does not have to look like someone else’s. A child should be able to work towards a goal, make mistakes and try again without feeling that one setback defines them. This begins with the way we engage with children every day. When they return from school, do we ask only about their homework and marks, or do we ask what they enjoyed, what challenged them and what they learnt? When they make a mistake, do we help them reflect, or do they leave the conversation feeling that they have disappointed us? Sometimes, the smallest changes in these conversations can make a difference. Recognising curiosity, effort, kindness and persistence tells children that we see more in them than their academic results. Giving them the freedom to explore interests without immediately asking where they might lead allows them to discover what brings them joy.

Schools, too, have an opportunity to rethink what they recognise and celebrate. A classroom is not only where children learn subjects. It is also where they discover whether their questions matter, whether they can express uncertainty and whether they feel comfortable being themselves. We also need to become more attentive to the quieter changes. A child who once enjoyed participating may begin to withdraw. Someone who was curious about trying new things may become afraid of making mistakes. Another may repeatedly describe themselves as incapable. These changes do not necessarily indicate a serious problem, but they deserve our attention. Rather than immediately correcting the behaviour, we can begin by asking what the child might be experiencing. As we reflect on Children’s Day, perhaps we should widen our understanding of what constitutes progress. Not just the child who scores the highest marks, but the one who finds the courage to try again. Not just the child who wins a competition, but the one who discovers something they love doing. Not just better-performing students, but more confident, curious and hopeful children.

Alongside “What do you want to become when you grow up?”, perhaps we should ask, “What makes you happy?”, “What are you proud of?” and “Do you feel good about who you are?” We are not simply preparing children for the lives they will lead tomorrow. We are shaping how they see themselves today. Their achievements will matter, but so will their confidence, their sense of belonging and their ability to find joy in what they do. Perhaps the real measure of success is not only what children go on to achieve, but also how they feel about themselves as they get there.

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