– Suresh Subrahmanyan is a Bengaluru-based former advertising professional

Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits. Anon.

Here is a question for the ages, particularly our present age. Do mobile phones, or should smartphones have a mind of their own? We know they can do all kinds of wondrous things at the slightest touch of our screens, apps or icons. Often, they do things we don’t even want them to do. For the most part however, our wish is their command. The search option is a bottomless pit which we could mine endlessly for rare nuggets, knowledge, transacting business and entertainment. And to contract a bad case of Digital Eye Strain. We are constantly living in the here and now. I must know now what the BSE Sensex is doing. Ping! Not very well, I am afraid. 1.800 points down. A pox on you Trump, and on your slave war mongrel, Pete Hegseth.

Not to worry, tomorrow a few tramp steamers bound for India will be allowed by Iranians to pass through the Straits of Hormuz, and the Sensex and Nifty will show their appreciation handsomely. On a happier note, you can get your smartphone to play music, watch asinine film shorts, follow cricket scores in real time, read a novel even and worry about your by-now strabismic eyes later. The point is it’s all there for you to mindlessly wallow in. So why am I concerned about my Android smartphone possessing a mind of its own and acting according to its own volition, whims and fancies? Here is why.

Initially, I did not quite cotton on to this insidious trait that my too clever by half smartphone was ‘gifted’ with. You see, it’s one thing to pass an idle hour, and ask your handheld companion an inane question like, ‘Can I control my blood sugar without having to give up on chocolates and ice-cream?’ After which you will be flooded with an alarming number of posts on your phone providing you with instant fixes from the world of Allopathy, Ayurveda, Yoga, Homeopathy, Naturopathy, Chinese potions and a plethora of other solutions from around the world. These busybodies don’t confine their curative counsel to blood sugar issues alone. Incontinence, impotence, depression, back aches, neck aches, acne, ingrowing toenails — you name it, they have a magic potion, pill or powder to take care of it. You get the picture?

My pressing issue is to do with strange things that happen via your smartphone when you have not actually asked or searched, for anything. I can see you are foxed. So was I. Allow me to elaborate. You have just finished reading The Outsider (L’Étranger) by Albert Camus. Here comes the eerie part. After putting through a call to my gas agency to inquire about my cylinder delivery, I dive into Google on my trusty mobile to do some searching on inexpensive after-shave unguents. 

Guess what? The first thing that pops up on the screen bears the legend, ‘You might want to check out more novels by Albert Camus and similar authors.’ I kid you not. Followed by a long list of books. This helpful information, which I did not seek, took me directly to Amazon advising me to ‘Add to cart.’ How did this happen?  A few minutes later, I was flooded with after shave brand choices. From existential literature to after shave balms in the blink of an eye is quite a leap, but that’s the internet for you.

A few days on, the wife asked me if I had taken care of the annual household and car insurance renewals, due in a week’s time. A timely reminder. I thought I should revisit the terms of my existing insurance companies and trawl through competitive options before refreshing my policies. All this was only swirling around in my mind space without browsing any website to glean further information. I opened my mobile phone and the first thing that accosts me on the screen was, ‘Are you looking for the best deal for your car or household insurance?’ Followed by a slew of enticing information on why they are among the most dynamic insurance companies to work with.

It has been subsequently explained to me (in words of less than three syllables) by those in the know of such matters that all this is not as macabre and ghoulish as one might experience in an Edgar Allan Poe novel. One’s mobile number is no longer a matter of zealously guarded privacy. It changes hands from party to party and before you can say ‘Press 1 for English,’ more than 5,000 individuals, corporates and small-time shady operators have your number, in more ways than one. And counting! Ergo, one might as well stop complaining endlessly about invasion of privacy. There is no such thing anymore. If you are into online banking, just make sure you keep changing your passwords frequently; and save or write it down somewhere, else you’re a dead goner.

As Frank “Ol’ Blue Eyes” Sinatra famously crooned, That’s Life.