Reena Chopra

– Reena Chopra is a Bhubaneshwar-based child psychologist and founder of Saar Holistic Wellness

My 14-year old son is an introvert and uncomfortable in large groups. Please suggest some ways to develop his social skills.

— Haseena Begum, Hyderabad

Introvert teens don’t lack social skills; they are drained by overstimulation. Forcing participation increases social anxiety and withdrawal. You need to respect his social energy limits and temperament and offer choice instead of pressurising him to conform. For instance, at a family wedding don’t pressurise him to socialise immediately. Give him 20 minutes to settle in, have dinner, and then he is likely to be more comfortable talking to relatives and friends. But don’t force him or ask him why he didn’t engage. Let him participate at his own pace. This will happen better when he is not being judged or forced. Also it may be a good idea to take along a friend or cousin whom he likes talking to for select social events. It will help him enjoy a large group setting more comfortably, and he is likely to learn social skills.

My ten-year-old son hesitates to try new activities such as skating or swimming. I want him to try different things so that we can identify his interests and strengths. Please advise.

— Neha Menon, Trivandrum

Many children hesitate to attempt new activities not because they dislike them, but because they’re afraid of failure. At this age, self-esteem is closely tied to performance. Here are some suggestions to encourage him:

             Shift the focus from outcome to effort

             Normalize struggle as part of learning

             Share your own learning mistakes

Your child may refuse to join a swimming class because he believes, “Everyone will swim better than me.”  Instead of reassuring him, “You’ll be great,” you could share a personal experience: “When I learned to drive, I stalled the car many times. It felt embarrassing, but that’s how it is while learning.” Then you can reframe the goal: “Right now, your aim is not to be the best swimmer. Let’s aim to attend five classes and learn the basics.” This will reassure him that trying is more important than excelling.

My 14-year-old daughter wears her heart on her sleeve. In the social media world this is dangerous. How can I teach her about privacy and personal boundaries?

— Shivani Malhotra, Delhi

Teens often overshare or struggle with setting personal boundaries because their need for belonging overrides judgement. Teach your daughter to set boundaries through discussion, not control. My suggestion is that you model healthy boundaries, avoid criticism and discuss emotional safety, not merely physical safety.

For instance, if your child shares personal family details with friends and later feels exposed, don’t be judgmental and say something like, “You shouldn’t tell people everything.” Instead, say, “How did you feel after sharing that?” Then gently explain, “Privacy means choosing who earns access to your personal story.” Explain to her that someone who doesn’t like her may use her personal information selectively to troll her.

My six-year-old is getting used to the world around us. As we travel more, I have observed she gets frustrated and impatient because of crowds and traffic jams. How can I help her adjust to crowds and traffic delays?

— Shyama Chhabra, Mumbai

Young children absorb adult reactions deeply. Crowds, traffic, and noise can easily turn into child frustration unless adults model emotional regulation. I recommend that you teach her to identify and name different emotions and transform inconveniences into small coping moments. For example, if your child gets restless during a long traffic jam and starts complaining, acknowledge and help her understand her emotions. You could say, “Yes, waiting is hard and boring. Let’s play the ‘spot five red cars’ game while we wait.” Later, you could say, “Even when traffic is slow, we found something good to do.” This teaches children that challenges are manageable, not overwhelming, building realistic optimism.